Monday, 06/21/04 - 11:28 pm.
[Happy birthday, Joey Kramer!!!]
Well, I am sick again. I have the stupid flu again. My friends (Victoria, Irene, Victor) came over in the afternoon (it was a holiday today, I didn't go to the university), and we laughed more than we worked. I'd blame my sore skull on the laughter and the anxiety that caused me working on the research. And I think I will.
Joseph called me this morning. I told him about catching Dawson's Creek (he'd told me to turn on the TV to channel 12 at 10 on saturday, and it was on), and he said that wasn't his intention at all. He wanted me to see another show, but, surprise, it was replaced with Dawson's Creek. A show he hates. We didn't talk a lot, but it was enough to leave me with an excessively fast heartbeat. I still can't believe how crazy I am about him. Remember I am really, really in love with you, and I absolutely adore you, he said. He's...I'm speechless.
While I couldn't be happier with my love life, others are having the worst time of their lives. Sometimes I feel selfish about that, but it's not my fault, is it? I can only listen to them. I'm making some sort of digest off the journal I kept this semester in Theories of Personality. I've realized how much I learned from that subject, specially when it comes to treating people. You never stop learning of course, and I have more doubts than answers about the human being, but I'm doing my best.
Ok, I have two friends whom I love dearly. Angie and Victor. They dated, they broke up. Angie messaged me and showed me the conversation between her and Victor. Victor said: would you be happy if I killed myself?. Angie started to "yell" (you know, caps) about those attitudes. I told her not to insult him, just fucking tell him "no, I wouldn't be happy if you killed yourself". She wants to get away from him, and I completely understand that. But out of the both of you, you're the sanest right now. She asked "why me?", she thanked me for the help (our conversation was longer than what I've described) and then logged off. I will talk to her tomorrow. She's dealing with Victor, and with the break-up of another guy who broke up with her because of Victor.
I messaged Victor. You're not feeling well, are you?. That question was enough for him to pour all his heart out. At a certain point I thought it'd be illustrative if I posted the convesation here, but it turned out to be too long. He asked me not to let Angie get away from us (Victoria, Irene and me), and he said he's going to keep the distance, as she wants. We talked about how he felt, and I'm glad I can see both sides of the story. I won't even begin to ponder who should I believe or who did the wrong thing. Both Angie and Victor made mistakes, awful ones. I'm just trying to formulate some kind of Psychology of the Heartbreak, with the heartbreaker and the brokenhearted...and the collateral damage (the common friends, or even each other's family).
- Me: do you think it's possible that you can subtly influence two people to get back together?
- Angel: you can do what you want, but in the end it's up to them.
- Me: yes, but I am studying psychology.
Seriously, though...I will really hate that, to never see them together again. How I'll have to split between her company and his company, how they'll never stand being around each other anymore. I can't say that's the story of my life, but it's happened a few times: two people I love, who love me back, create a bond with each other, then they break it off and I have to split myself in two. So I'm a little upset about that. It's the childish part of me.
The grown-up part of me tells me...who am I kidding, there's no grown-up part of me in this. I want them to get back together, because I know they still love each other. But...they're very hurt. I'd like to think I'll accomplish my goal of hooking them up again, but unfortunately, it is up to them...mostly to Angie, who doesn't even want to speak to him again.
I see in them a part of Jung's theory. Jung blamed wars on The Shadow, the part of the personality you deny. So you deny it, and there's a projection of it on your enemy. Both Angie and Victor seem to put the ultimate blame on one another..."he was never affectionate", "she was never honest". Like I said, I'm glad I know both sides. All I see is a spiral of consequences, and maybe if I can get to the root, I can make them make themselves happy again. But that's me being hopeful, nothing more.
Speaking of wars, I heard the poor corean guy, hostage of Al Qaeda, saying he doesn't want to die. I cried, and I felt helpless. I don't think he'll survive. The corean government doesn't care, "it's just one person, there are millions of us in the world". I'd like to think Al Qaeda will have some compassion, but if you're going to get technical about it, even if they did have it, they couldn't afford not executing him, after they've promised it.
But anyway, Al Qaeda, just like the corean government, doesn't really care for him. So Al Qaeda equals corean government. Who's against who in this war, again?
I once had to apply the concept of the Shadow to the war in Iraq, in class. But I insist it wasn't a war in the beggining. I understood that you can't ask "will they ever learn?" about war. They're not making war because they didn't learn from past experiences, but because they have a Shadow they project on their enemy...Hussein says Bush is evil, Bush says Hussein is evil. I'm not here to give my opinion today (I'm biting my tongue here, seriously), it's just what Jung would say.
So seeing the corean guy, knowing he won't make it and nobody will care about that, broke my heart. I hate the world, and I specially hate that part of the USA who believes they're god, and they have the power to ruin the life of people with a different ideology...it's like Jesus, "you're with me or against me", and that's way too radical (yes, even for Jesus). It pisses me off, how they want to make believe that they're still the good guys. There are no good guys in this, what a bunch of fucking losers.
Joseph, when he gets all eloquent about war, states two points of view. You have the western god and the eastern god, and he asks, playing both sides at the same time: is your god stronger than mine? What makes yours stronger than mine?
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