Saturday, 07/03/04 - 6:40 pm.
Hello, hi. I will be updating this diary a little earlier today. Why? "Why not?", I say. I think I've been writing at night (9 and later) for the past six months or so.
I got $100, from my brother Alan in El Paso. I haven't said how things have been with him since he left, a month ago or so. Well, he's doing GREAT. He's fast by all means, so he already has an apartment completely furnished, has a cell phone, a car (which he bought from my brother in Houston) he's already working at the hospital...he's just missing Internet access, but not a computer (because he's got a laptop). Abraham Maslow would enjoy studying his life (who is Abraham Maslow, anyway?).
We are very proud of him, but that's a tangent. I feel like crying when I remember he's sent me money...it's a mix of gratefulness, pride and embarrassment (I was about to tell him "no, you keep it, you need it more, I've done nothing to deserve it nor earn it", but one must not reject things that have been kindly offered to one). He sent money to my parents, too, a lot (he was always a saver and a hard-worker, since he was a teenager). And just because he wants to. My parents are not the kind who say "I maintened you, now you maintain me", no.
But you see, my brother worked 7 am to 5 pm everyday at the hospital here, doing 24-hour shifts every three days, for about four months, before he left for El Paso. And this week my parents discovered that all the money he earned in that time was just for us (my parents and I). So excuse me if I want to cry.
I went to the mall today, to buy The Beatles - Past Masters vol. 1 (at my favorite record store, which has the best-est material from Beatles and former Beatles) and two greeting cards. But I also ended up buying blank CDs, a blank VCR tape, and discovering that the Polaroid instant camera that Fer gave me is broken and fixing it is as expensive as getting a new one.
My dad is very considerate when he notices there's something I can't have. I was a little disappointed about the camera (I love taking pictures, but I've never had a good camera of my own) and he noticed. Well, let's get a new one, then, he said, like it was piece of cake. I said no, thanks, it's too expensive, don't worry, I'll save for a digital camera. Let's go get it at *some membership store*. But with age, I've developed a sense of...I don't know, I just don't want to blow a lot of money on something that, in the end, is kind of selfish.
Digital cameras are expensive, and I don't have money. I could easily ask my dad, and he'd probably buy it after saying (not complaining) it's very expensive. But I'd be a rat. I want a job, I want my own money so I can get stuff for myself without affecting my dad's wallet (I know he'd always make an effort to get what I want). And also because I want to be like my brother, and help my parents with household payments and such.
I discovered that Cinnabon has arrived to the nation. I was overly joyful about that, but then I put things in perspective, having in mind the situation of this country and the Free Trade Agreement (that's not so free trade) with the USA. And I got less joyful. But I'm joyful, anyway.
I was just leaving the mall when I found a HP digital camera on sale, $186. It seemed to be of excellent quality. I thought of getting money off my bank account and also getting some from what my brother sent me...but it does hurt. I'm not materialistic, really, but my bank account is still sore from my trip to Houston last year and my only income is my dad (and that's not ok at 19). Plans are being made, for me to go to Houston again in december. I liked that last year I used my own money, I paid for everything myself. It felt good, "this is my money, I starved for it and now I can get all I want with it". I don't want to be rich, I just want to have a regular income of my own.