Emotional unbalance and plans for tomorrow.
Tuesday, 07/13/04 - 8:18 pm.

This is my first day of vacation. The morning was great, I could dedicate my time to clean up my bedroom (I've only cleaned up say, one tenth of it, not because my bedroom is big but because I'm being very meticulous) and bake cookies with my nephew Renan.

The afternoon made me literally lose my emotional balance, though. Joseph called me, and he was a little disturbed, over things that happened to him yesterday. We didn't fight, he was just...out of his mind. During the 30 minutes we talked, he sounded like a manic-depressant, one minute screaming at the smallest thing and the next one about to cry over some of the things that upset him yesterday. He wasn't rude toward me at all, but learning how bad he was feeling affected me, to the point of crying when we hung up (or rather, when HE made me hang up).

If I was asked "what did he tell you that was so bad?", I'd reply I don't know. I mean, I do. But it was a lot of thing. He explained every thing that upset him yesterday, this guy or that guy, or me being indifferent (but I know you were busy). He was feeling lonely and pissed off, he had nowhere to go after we kissed goodbye (I killed him when I told him I finished the exam almost two hours earlier than expected). I think I was upset because I knew he was in pain, and I couldn't do anything to make him feel better (and in fact, I was one of the reasons why he was feeling like that).

I called him later in the afternoon, and I think he'd calmed down. I told him he'd scared me with the last call, and he apologized. But I told him that wasn't a reproach. This conversation was lighter, but...I still feel some kind of emotional leftover somewhere inside of me.

Tomorrow...I'll go out with Carmen in the morning. I'd asked her to take me to the ESJ, my school, because I wanted to see Fidel, a teacher-friend. She called me tonight and asked me if I wanted to go to the movies too, and so we'll go see Spiderman 2 (I've never gone out with her, just once in 8th grade, to go see X-Men). I'm strangely excited about it.

Joseph had asked me to go see Spiderman 2 together, but...well, I don't think my parents would allow me to...no, wait. No, I don't know if they'd allow me to. I think it's just me, I don't want to go out with him until my parents know him a little better. It's me, being dumb, trying to equilibrate both parties. In any case, I think he's coming over tomorrow in the afternoon, and that's great.

Well, dad's at a seminary, my sister and mom went to the movies (my mom never goes to the movies, so I'm happy my sister took her with her), and there's only one nephew here right now, Javier. The other two (the ones from Houston) are out for dinner with their other grandmother (not my mom).

And here I am, me, myself, yours truly, wrapping up this entry.

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