Saturday, 08/14/04 - 10:49 pm.
I think I'm beggining to get rid of my fear to driving. Today I did pretty well, I drove around many places with traffic. I almost hit one car on a slope, but it was a mistake with the stick (that will not be repeated). I'm even thinking of driving to Veronica's house tomorrow afternoon, since she lives like five minutes away by-car-and-without-traffic. Given that tomorrow is sunday, there are many chances the streets won't be too crowded.
I was feeling down this morning. I finished reading A Hundred Years of Solitude (for the nth time), and I guess I picked up some of the sentiments from it, and I was dragging them about. I found similarities in the house and in my family with what the book said, it seemed I was writing my own book. I was very touchy at lunch, too, and not willing to endure my dad's usual dreadful mood at the table, so I just spread cheese dip on crackers and handed him and my mom a few.
After hours of thought, around midday, I realized why I was so down: I wanted to make people happy. Not in the very idealistic way; I mean I wanted to have someone and help them somehow, make their day, improve their quality of life, whatever you may call it. Any living entity would've done, I just wanted to make a difference: bright someone's day, adopt an animal and give it a happy life (although I have the opinion, and so does my dad, that pets shouldn't exist, but that's something else).
At dinner my aunt came over, and my parents and her talked about helping people. See, they help people. Take my dad: one day a little boy knocked on our door, asking for food. My dad started to talk to him, and he learned the kid didn't have parents and lived with his grandmother. My dad gave him some money and a "don't fail me". That was two years ago. The boy (he's 12-14, I'm not sure) comes every two weeks, to show my dad his report card, that proves he's the number one in his class, and brings him the receipts of all the things (useful things) he buys with the money he gives him. The boy is very humble, but he keeps himself tidy. My dad calls him "pupil", talks to him when he comes by, is paying for his education, and he's promised that if the boy doesn't let him down, he'll pay even for college (don't think we're wealthy or anything, but my dad has always been a good money manager, so we always have spare cents).
My parents' life, my aunt's life, my siblings' life...they've worked very hard. My aunt said: I'd win 30 cents washing dishes...and it wasn't to buy candies, I'd come to my mom and tell her: "here, mom, this is for tomorrow's supper". I kind of feel embarrased for having an easy life. I've never had to get a job or anything, and therefore, I've never helped my parents economically. It's because of my parents' sacrifices that we can afford "little treats", as they call them. But I actually want to struggle to achieve my goals, I don't want them handed to me in a silver plate. My brother in Houston has worked very hard for years, and in his thirties he's finally doing what he always wanted to do. He worked for the Red Cross as a teenager, and then he went to medicine school and got jobs and now he's writing articles, and teaching, and has his nice office.
Ok, well, it keeps raining (see, just like in a A Hundred Years..., but I doubt it'll last four years) so I'll close this before I lose it. There was a blackout a couple of minutes ago. I saved the entry, but I had a fat list of incomplete downloads of The Beatles cartoon episodes on Kazaa. I have all the incomplete files on my desktop, but the list on Kazaa is gone.
There's always a blackout whenever it rains, stupid weak service...and the phone is dead, too. I HATE blackouts, I ALWAYS lose something important. And that really hurts, especially if you've waited patiently for two weeks to download 75% of a movie.
EDIT: After weeping insanely, I worked it out. Ok, bye.
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