Monday, 09/13/04 - 10:20 pm.
I was somewhat upset all afternoon, because Joseph and I couldn't be alone. We spent all our time with his friends. I don't mind his friends, I love his friends (who're pretty much my friends, too), but I wanted to be with him alone for a while.
But obviously I didn't tell him anything. He often stays around when I'm with my friends (who're pretty much his friends, too). The problem with me is that I get quasidepressed in crowds, especially in the ones I feel I don't fit in.
- Joseph: (...) but why do you feel so out of place with them?
- Me: well, because I'm not into the same things as they are, and also because you all share a background, and I don't.
- Joseph: those are just details.
- Me: details I lack of.
- Joseph: I love it when you get all smart.
Out of the two hours he and I got to spend together today, only 30 minutes was for the both of us alone. That could upset me, but it doesn't, because it was great. We sat on the roots of a big tree, the dark of the night was above our heads...it was wonderful. I madly love the fucker.
Last night the first reality show of the country started. OMFGZ, what a breakthrough!!! It's the lamest thing I've ever seen. It's just girls preparing themselves for a beauty pageant, living in a hotel. I suppose all men are watching for the peek through their bedrooms and their breasts bouncing when they exercise. I could've fallen asleep watching the gay stylist giving them tips on how to apply make-up on (they were working out with make up on, what in the fucking world...?!).
However, this evening, I was telling Joseph I should have participated. After all, it doesn't matter you're ugly (some of those girls are), because you get a make-over. You see all heads with straightened and dyed/bleached hair...they're all like clones in different tones.
I thought the same thing when I was watching! I could picture you, all serious and apathetic: "hi, my name is *so and so*, and I really don't care for being here". I knew you would've cried when you'd been accepted: "damn! shit! I didn't want to make it!". I could picture you, all intelligent and such a hottie, beating all the other girls. I'd be in front of the TV, smoking and smoking: "man, that's my girlfriend".
I think this evening was one of the best times I've spent with him.
I am having some kind of panic attack by watching the news, about the hurricanes. Thank God it's highly unlikely that a hurricane hits this spot of the globe, but that doesn't mean I am relieved. I only pray. I believe in God, but praying is my last resource.
I hate hurricane season.
And don't think that's the only thing I'm informed about. I know about the attacks in Iraq, which have me equally or maybe even more upset.
I am aware of the lack of topics of this entry (but you should be aware of my love for the knife guy). I am also aware that I feel like throwing up, so I'm leaving you with a, uh...goodbye, or something.
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