Sunday, 01/06/02 - 9:25 p.m..
Today we went to the airport to drop Denise's mom off....a little taste of what's coming next sunday. I couldn't help it and I started crying. That's gonna be really painful. I don't want to leave.
It's not that there are better opportunities here, neither that there's something at home that I'm trying to run away from....neither that here I don't go to school....the main reason is that I'll miss the kids and their parents so badly. The kids kept telling me -after we left the airport- that they didn't want me to leave, they'd miss me too much, they'd be alone, that I'm like a sister to them, I do a lot of things for them, I'm a "very nice teenager" and that I help them a lot.
When their grandma left, they had a sad look in their eyes that broke my heart (seeing a child you love cry...let alone two!). They're really attached to the families, although they don't see them more than a couple of months every year. We've become really attached to one another, and that's what's standing against us next sunday. Leave them. Leave them alone. For my brother, my sis-in-law and the kids there's no family here, let alone someone who'd help them with the house, the picking-ups and dropping-offs, the "emotional support"....the four of them are on their own. I can't stand the simple idea of me leaving next sunday.
*sigh* Anyway...
Yesterday it was the 1st monthly anniversary of my biggest fuck-up...yesterday it was january 5th, and a month ago, Aerosmith gave a concert in a city that was pretty close from where I was (4 hours driving, maybe a few more walking...). Someone slash my throat, please. I'll live with that forever. No "get over it", no "move on", I'll keep in mind that when there's an opportunity to create an opportunity, I have to fuckin' do it. *sigh*....write it down, Simeon.
But wait, yesterday didn't suck. I was in the garage and my brother walks in with a package: what are you doing in Indiana?, he goes. Holyfuck, I go. My friend Michelle sent me some tapes (by the way, behold yours truly...I got the stuff in the mail today. I actually got it done last night at midnight, but it was today that I placed it in the mailbox. Yeah, that stuff is for her)....FOUR Aerosmith tapes! And other cool stuff: three bracelets (I fucking love bracelets!!!), some body mist or something, some kind of balloons and a sweet Hallmark card.
And the tough stuff: Holland, 1994.....WOODSTOCK!!!, 1994....The New Year's Eve (and Tom' birthday) concert in Osaka, Japan, in 1999, aaaannndddd.....JONES FUCKING BEACH!!!! One of the first concerts of the Just Push Play Tour, with a kick-ass set list. I haven't watched them (I started watching the Osaka show though...they made a unexcusable mistake..."Love In An Elevator (Is Hard On The Knees)"...what the fuck is that?!?!) and I'm not sure which Jones Beach concert is...I hope it has Rats In The Cellar. Speaking of concerts, last night it was the first aeroconcert of this year and the set list ROCKED!!!! They played No More, No More!!!!!! A rare, rare song, a real gem.
According to my mom (I just talked to her on the phone), individuals are starting to call home and see if I've arrived already....aaaawwwwwww, isn't that sweet? no shit.
On the other hand, and onto another topic, Denise told me how she started out here. She came to college and had to get a job. She stayed at her aunt's, meanwhile. She told me that the job I get won't get me thru college. I can't work to earn the money to pay college, the job is just to get money for the basics, just to survive. It's impossible to pay college with a job....unless maaaaybe it's a full-time job (if someone gets lucky enough to get such job that pays that good). If it's a full time job, I won't have time to study. I have to get a half-time job so I can study full time, and finish my carreer in a decent time. It's way complex and way expensive.
I got me a friend today. "It'll be a good friend", it says. Hell, I finally get it, I'd been wanting one for so long.....a harmonica. It's Hohner, for begginers, key of C. It's a bit hard to play but I kind of understand how to play it. Theory it's easy. Now I just have to do the "kiss" and finish learning "When the saints go marchin' in", which is the first song I'll learn, since there's a piece of paper inside the case that says how to do it.
From that song on, I can play whatever I want. I can't wait to play the Fifth Simphony in my neat harmonica. I'm wondering if it's the same brand that Steven uses...mine says "Hohner". In the video for "Pink", I could swear that Steven's harmonica is "horner". Whatever, I say. I'll just blow, draw, blow, draw and spit. I want to learn how to play the intro Big 10 Inch (record), like Steven played it on Saturday Night Live this, uh, last year.
I suppose I was the only freak in the country who was at 1 a.m. watching (and taping) that show....oh, well, my mom was with me (I suppose she wanted to, um....I have no clue why she was there, but obviously she was awake for me...you know how moms can be). Hell, that fuckin' tune brought down the fuckin' house!!! And the harmonica kick-off was just priceless.
I'll go exchange some saliva with my new friend. And pray for this week to be, uh......*sigh*. I don't know what I want it to be. No matter what this week is, it'll come to an end. And that, my dear Simeon...uh, sucks...to say the least.
FULL CIRCLE lyrics (that song has got me in tears)
prev / next