Friday, 10/22/04 - 9:41 pm.
Well, Joseph didn't show up to see me today. Which leads me to believe he's too embarrassed about what he did to even face me. Good. I love him, but I'm glad he feels bad about what he did, because it was...you know, bad. Wrong.
However, when I said in my last entry: "if he doesn't show up, he'll be doing me a big favor", I didn't think that statement would be so accurate.
Ok, I went to my guitar lessonn this morning. It was amazing, we learned the basics of the blues. I suck at it, but I learned a lot. I also gave Joe, my guitar instructor, a copy of the Aerosmith's blues album Honkin' on Bobo.
The guitar lesson ended at 12:25, and I waited for Joseph until 1 o'clock. I'd decided that if he wasn't there by that time, he wouldn't show up at all. So I sat on a bench and read Fromm (go read him!).
Denver walked by, and stopped to talk to me for a while. It felt wonderful, because I'm over all those issues I had with him. So we were chatting like old high school friends, and he showed me his arm, that he'd just burned with chemicals (that was kind of funny). He was very nice to me, and I didn't have trouble being nice to him. It was lovely, actually. We didn't talk for more than one minute, but it felt good. It made me smile.
When it was 1 o'clock, I headed to Burger King, the one that's 27 steps away from the main gate of the university. On my way out, I walked by the auditorium, and I listened to the choir rehearsing, and I remembered Joe is part of it. It's one of the most beautiful choirs I've ever listened to.
I ordered something (with apple pie, of course) and sat alone to eat, watching Sponge Bob on TV. It wasn't bad at all, it reminded me of my days of being single and lonely. I kind of missed that. The silence and the void around me. It was hard to listen, because the place was crowded, but John Lennon's (just like) starting over came on. I wondered if I'd be able to say those words to Joseph anymore (sometimes I think I'm making a big deal about what happened yesterday, but it touched me deeply, and I still feel like crying when I remember).
And then I came back to the campus. I looked at the cafeteria from afar, to see if Joseph was there, but he wasn't. The cafeteria is almost in front of the auditorium, so when I looked away from the cafeteria, I was facing the auditorium.
Actually, it was Joe whom I was facing, because at that exact moment he was finishing the rehearsal, and he was approaching to me. Still to this time of the day, I cannot believe the perfect timing that made us run into each other.
We said hello, along with other customary manners, and then he said something like I have nothing to do until 2:30 (it was 1:35), which I took it as a "let's hang out". So I replied me neither, would you like me to read Fromm to you?. He said yeah, so we sat on a bench in front of the auditorium (near the spot where I lost my wallet -argh-).
We talked for almost an hour. About everything and anything, but mostly about music, our tastes (like The Beatles) and everybody else's tastes, and how that sucked at school. We didn't have anyone to talk with about the music we liked. But then I came here, I said, and I discovered all those people who like the same music as I did. And yet at some point, that upset me. He understood: I know what you mean, you get to a point where you say "why do you like them? It's MY band!".
A friend of yours died some time ago, right?, he asked me. And then I remembered the choir, therefore him, had sung at the mass before Ern's funeral, five months ago.
We even talked about our careers, and especially about Marx. He's majoring in economics, and I know a little about him because Fromm talks about his theory. He's a fun person to talk to, even though we'd be silent for a couple of seconds before we jumped onto another topic.
He noticed my shirt: I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now, and he took out a paper from his wallet, in which he'd written a quote he liked about schizophrenia...it had a story, but it's not really important. I just thought it was a nice coincidence.
I was a little scared that Joseph would show up while I was with Joe. Obviously all I was doing with Joe was talking (I'm not the type that cheats, thank you very much) but I knew he'd create this whole theory that I was with him just to spite him (because Joseph knows I used to have a crush on Joe). But he didn't show up, like I'd expected.
Joe and other guys (the ones who always play at Beatles tribute in the university) will perform a huge Beatles tribute next friday at some place. It's at night, so I don't think I'll be able to attend. But it'll be heavy, they'll sing like 46 songs.
- Me: at what time?
- Him: at....hey, that's a good question. I don't know.
*bla, bla, bla*
- Him: I was afraid it'd end at around midnight (since it's on friday), because I had a midterm on saturday, at 6:30 am. But luckily the midterm was postponed.
- Me: that isn't luck. It's Lennon's doing. He's like that sometimes. He once helped me with an essay.
He left at 2:20, but he left me with a smile...inside of me, of course. I wasn't going to be grinning like the retarded I am in front of him, was I? He truly made my day, because so far I'd been about to cry. It's funny, because yesterday, when Joseph and I left the juice parlor, I was thinking I wanted to be with Joe: I didn't want any physical contact (and I still don't), I only wanted a few laughs and a good talk about music. That's what Joe means to me. Sometimes I swoon at the sight of him, especially when he holds the guitar in a certain way, but it's all puppy love. I only like him. The end.
I don't know why things are working out so well and yet so rotten.
Ok, I have a midterm tomorrow myself, at 9 am. And I have not studied. 343 pages plus notes await.
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