Sunday, 01/13/02 - 2:09 am.
Have you ever gotten the feeling, when you sit on a toilet, no matter where it is, that it's always facing the same direction? You always sit and get the feeling the toilet at home and every other you've sat on it's always facing the same direction. No kidding...
So...I think today...*Simeon points out his watch* err, yesterday was the longest and most useful day of my life. As for today...my brother has to be in the hospital, at 4 am, so he won't take me to the airport (I'm kinda glad, it's harder to say goodbye at the airport). Also, today it's the first year anniversary of the earthquake (the first one of last year).
I'm cleaning up the computer right now. I got a lot of shit in favorites and stuff...and there's a noise in my head, I think it's the piano from Dream On, the Mtv Unplugged version. It's kinda bothering me, that song sounds really sad. I just said good night to my brother, who I will not see in a long, long time...*Simeon hugs yours truly with grief*. Rebeca cried today, when she realized she won't be able to make it to the airport either, because of a Brownies rally. I didn't think she was serious (I mean, sad, yes, but not tearful). Fuck, she was.
So, um....my shit is packed. I think tomorrow we're going to mass, then Denise will get something for my brother and his fiancee, I might get The Sims - Hot Date and off we go to the airport, where I'll check out almost at the time the earthquake happened last year, and I was with Carlos watching a movie. Funny how things change. The same date, at the same hour, within a year, you go from being in the kitchen, in the middle of a seism, to cry your own self off at the airport.
Now...Lord Of The Rings versus Jimmy Neutron...what's the best? Personally, Jimmy Neutron. Last night I went with my brother to see LOTR and.....hell, damn Froddo, the movie is so fuckin' long! And all that for a ring?!? To each his own, I guess. By the way, I saw the extra of Episode II...it looks like a Disney movie. And, like I say some times, Disney is going downhill. Well, today I saw Jimmy Neutron with the kids and Denise, and I loved it...sure, of course they made some mistakes, like they didn't wear helmets or something, because it's common knowledge that there's no oxygen in space. But it made me laugh. I laughed my ass off just because I imagined all those kids in the octopus, spinning and spinning, in the middle of nowhere. Then I got to a point that I thought that whoever did that movie...well, no...I actually thought that it'd be cool if I was sitting there, watching a movie of my own, knowing that people like it. But before that, my life had already changed. I think I should go in order.
We woke up and discovered that Scooby Doo's real name is Scoobert. Then, at 11:30, Renan took the kids to Rebeca's BKB game and to Renan's cub scouts reunion. Denise and I went....shopping! but....BUT first, we went to the Community College...to another campus. And holly hell, I talked to people. On our way there, Denise told me: now, you go to Admissions and ask......yetta, yetta, yetta...and inside of me, I got the fuckin' chills. I've never really *talked* in english with people, let alone asked about information on my future!!!, I said in my mind, with a Steven Tyler voice (is it me, or can one actually change one's voice when one talks with oneself in one's mind?).
I was going to open my mouth and say something on my behalf, to stop Denise forcing me to do that. But I didn't. I just accepted my fate. So we arrived. And we got there. And Denise forgot and she spoke first, asking about info on where the info office was. Second floor (Good morning, Mister Tyler....). And she said: I forgot...now you go, I'll just follow you. *sigh*
There I go, like a sacrifice to the gods of humilliation. But nope. I talked. I asked, they answered. I didn't get info though. Not anything new, that is. But I talked, I got a map, I know there's International Student counseling on tuesday and that almost everything about the IS thing is in the main campus, way downtown.
Denise told me that it doesn't matter if I ask ten times the same thing, it's always better to make sure. It doesn't matter if I ask something that sounds dumb, it's always better to make sure. We got a map and we took off downtown. I was flipping the pages and I circled two things that draw my attention: vet and -of course- art. For the first time in my life, I was sure of my future. I was sure what I wanted to do and -go me- how to do it. I inmediately made the decision of starting college, even if it's just taking the basic subjects (until I get used to the education system and maybe find a better place to take the major degree), in january '03.
I mean...I hate to leave everything behind, but besides my family (which frankly would be a good reason to quit...hey, they're really worth it, you have no idea what parental units gave up to raise us five kids...they started from -1) I don't have anything there. I mean, there's no future back there. I've felt more secure about my future this morning while we were driving downtown (by the way, we never got there, I told Denise that I'd seen enough so we went to Rebeca's game) than my whole life, at home. Ok, so...I have to start making plans and prepare everybody, including yours truly's self, psychologycally. That's gonna rock the house.
And here's the deal...take the TOEFL, take the SAT, get an international student visa, save my ass off and earn money, learn to drive...so much shit to do. I have to do it all fuckin' yesterday!!! And try to get Frog a visa. I want to take her with me. Oh, yes. We both need vaccine certificates, too. But hold it....hold it thight, Simeon. One second at a time, please. I have to live one second at a time. Right now I'm so fucking sad. And the noise in my head does not go away.
So, we went shopping with Rebeca. She stayed with me and helped me pick out clothes. Damn, since when do I buy that much? Two shirts and a jacket. I hadn't noticed this until I was packing a few months ago (where did all that fuckin' time go?)...I have dark clothes. Not black-black, nothing goth. I just happen not to wear yellows and reds. Anyway, Denise bought me those three things, 'cause they gave a check for christmas ($100) and they hadn't given me cash. I was ashamed, I didn't want her to spend more money on me but I didn't want to look like an ungrateful person either. Then I bought a t-shirt (this time with my money)...it's the Rolling Stones mouth. I don't like The Rolling Stones but it's a mouth. Big. Like Steven's. I don't care if Mick's is the same size, I go for Steven. Stop comparing both bands because of the facial features of the singers!!!!
Anyway, Rebeca behaved like a real sister and gave some advices and told me that everything looked good on me and yetta, yetta, yetta...it was cute. Then we went to McDonald's and I, I bought two apple pies. With my mouth. Err, I mean, I ordered them. Suddenly, I was not afraid of talking to anyone. Denise made me notice that one year ago, I would have complained about asking for info and I most likely wouldn't have talked to anyone and I would have basically behaved like an oyster. Now, I even bought two apple pies (one for Denise, one for me) -Yes, Simeon, I said thank you to the guy. You didn't hear because you were playing with the Happy Meal toys.- Anyway, such a huge change in my personality. And I finally noticed it. I hate seeing myself back as a child, seeing how much I've changed, withouth knowing when those changes happened.
I got a chance to see the Houston afternoon sky for the last time (in who knows for how long), as I listened to the Aerosmith Mtv Unplugged. It looked wider than ever. Renan-bro' asked me to leave one Aerosmith CD for them. I'll leave the Mtv one. It rocks everybody's ass and I can get it burned again, so it's not so hard for me to leave it. They four like it, and I, as an Aerosmith fan, have to do whatever it takes to spread the aerolove (geez, how lame did that sound?).
Then it was Jimmy Neutron, then we went to The Davises' house. Friends of the family. Incredibly nice, with a lovely house and Frog-like Golden Retriever, only less noisy. I thought it was a "party"...it turned out to be a little reunion of the Davises, other couple and Renan & Denise. I talked again. I listened the most, because the Davises, and the other couple, have been to many places...they talked about that, but not bragging at all. Craig Davis, the friend of my brother's, said he was looking forward to see me next year as a HCC student. Hell. What a compromise.
Then....well, we arrived. I finished packing, I said goodbye to my brother, trying not to cry, at least until he was out of sight. So it's 2 am and something and I'd better get some sleep. But actually, I really hadn't thought of me going on a plane. I've been just thinking of how painful it'll be to say goodbye (even if it's for now). I'm going to miss...everything. I'm also going to miss the kids growing up. Renan (nephew) told me a secret...there's someone at school who likes him...imagine that, he's starting to get involved with girls. Rebeca...well, she says she wants to be like me (aaaawwww!!!!) and I think she's already looking forward to her first set of *ahem* cups, although she's only 7.
*deep and painful sigh*...well, time to go. The noise in my head went from Dream On to the Austin Powers music, so I'd better change the station, get a better tune and turn myself off. This is your house, my brother said. He'll wake up soon so I'd better head to bed. My job here is done for now. I really found out what I came for, I got it and even more.
It feels rather dumb to be crying like this in front of a monitor. Beats me, call me dumb, but I don't understand how all this time happened so fast and where'd it fucking go.
Can I be honest? I really don't want to leave. But all I can really do, is remember this song. Sad words with a true meaning.
HOME TONIGHT (Tyler)
Now it's time to say good night to you
Now it's time to bid you sweet adieu
Maybe drink a cheers
to yesterday
and maybe you'll drink those tears aways
So baby, don't let go
hold on real thight
'cause I'll be home tonight.
I know this doesn't change anything, but I found my sock.
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