I think I'm in coma.
Tuesday 01/15/02 - 11:53 am.

43 year-old woman beats her granddaughter to death.

What a way to start a miserably monotonous day.

Somebody please smack my head with a brick. I found out that school begins next thursday, NOT on monday. I COULD HAVE STAYED LONGER IN HOUSTON!!!! Da-mmit. I could dedicate this whole entry to use curse words, but the state of mind I'm currently in does not allow me to proceed and also tells me that it's totally useless. So I'll just deal with it. But still...fuck, I could've stayed longer in Houston.

I can't remember when in my life I've been this bored.....hey, wait, what about, NEVER? There's nothing to do around the house (yet as we all know, for moms there is always something). I can't remember if I've been this bored before. I guess not. I used to have a lot of things to do around here.

Carmen called me up. Ms. Know-it-all knew I was home and we had a decrepit conversation. Well, she talked the most, about how boring and pathetic her short vacation was. She did ask me about Houston but believe me, with a listener like her, you only feel like saying: uh, good. No big deal.

I'm between a rock and a hard place...I don't want to go to school. On the other hand, I don't want to be at home, after these two blissful months, I find no joy in being here. To make it worse, I'm having three more days at home, because of my awful mistake: "school starts on monday".

I'm going up to the roof. I need someone to go up there with me. I'll make it look like an accident, I promise.

It's the 80's. Jack Douglas is working on Lennon's new album AND on Yoko Ono's.

The only time he ever participated on one of her sessions (...) we were working on "Walking On Thin Ice". John wasn't supposed to be there. I'd worked with him that night and he'd stayed around to help her out. Then they left.

Someone came to the studio and told me. I went right to the hospital, but John was gone. - Jack Douglas.

Joe just left the band.

Let's call it a mutual breakup. Joe...he's a very bitter man. Why did I go see him? I wanted to see what was happening to my brother (...). I still wish him the world. I hope to God he makes it with his band. - Steven Tyler.

Jimmy Crespo is taking his place. Brad is leaving too, because nothing is happening with the band and there's no guitar chemistry with Jimmy. Joey and Tom were planning to put together another band, but decided to hang in there with Steven. Steven divorced Cyrinda and had a motorcycle accident. He was in recovery for almost two years. In that time, they were recording Rock In A Hard Place. Proper title for those times, they said.

And pretty much how my life is right now. With no direction. Boring. Nothing's happening. But I know how Aerosmith wound up, I don't know how I will. I doubt I'll go next year to the Community College. Parents won't let me, I know. I see it coming. Yesterday I asked my dad if I could take driving lessons....he went: hmm, we'll see. I know what that means: not even over my dead body!!!. This fuckin' sucks. I don't want to learn to drive to hang out with my friends. I hate hanging out with my friends. It's not to go out, it's for emergencies (here and at Houston...which is something I didn't mention to him). Someday I'll need a ride and there won't be anyone to take me. Despite that, they won't let me go walking. So I'm tied here. I'm fuckin' tied!!!! And it's obvious....they won't let me learn to drive, let alone go to a foreign country to study!!!!!

Frankly, I'm not excited to death about learning to drive. I know it's a must-do, though. Someday I'll need it. But...since apparently I'm not going to the Houston college next year, I might as well accept that I'm a little baby that needs to be driven around by her parents and does not need to learn to drive.

Hoo-ray.

Carlos is definitely ok with my decision (well, for now it's just an option). He's giving me a lot of support, I don't know what I'll do when he moves out. He'll take me tomorrow to the movies to see Monsters Inc. (hey, I wanna see it, ok?) and discuss it, away from parents. I hate to do that to them, but there's no other way. Alan is not happy about that but he doesn't say that I shouldn't do it either. He just said that I'd better think more about it. He said TOEFL is piece of cake (though I checked out the HCC Internation Students page and it's not required).

This does not look good at all.

I'll go play The Sims. The expansion pack (hot date) rocks!!! I went downtown with Simeon and had a great time. I should make a diary just for my life as a sim. It sounds pathetic but sometimes I get more fun out of it than out of real life. Hey, I got a job, ok? I lead a healthy life. It�s not all fun sometimes but what actually makes it fun is that I get to do my own decisions. And that I can have a lava lamp and that my neighbors are skeletons dressed up as Neo and stuff like that, Spider Man and...Steven Tyler!!! whose wife, by the way, it's me, too. Yes, that's another good thing: I get to be whatever I want.

I told my dad, "When I grow up I want to be a rock star", and he said, "I don't think you can do both". (Steven Tyler). This quote is new to me (!!!) and I liked it. I think it has nothing to do with anything right now, though. No, wait...it does.

Back to the Matrix!

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