Tuesday, 02/01/05 - 4:50 pm.
I'm so sore today I've done nothing but the basics, just barely: take a shower and eat (only the strictly necessary). I haven't done nothing I said I would, namely clean up my bedroom and organize a lot of things and get rid of the things that can't be organized.
I had a hard time waking up, although consciously I don't feel out of place. In fact, the trip to Houston, if you ask me, never happened.
I exercised for 20 minutes, and I felt very pumped up, but my state decreased to the point of not being able to get out of my bed for three hours in the afternoon. I'm not depressed, actually. I'm just tired out, unwilling to accomplish anything.
Perhaps deep down it is the fact that I'm not in Houston anymore. I'm honestly wondering constantly what the kids are doing, and how my niece Rebeca is going to manage to come back home after choir rehearsal in, well, right now. I'm not there anymore, but as it kind of hurts to think this, they'll manage. They always have. They're going on with their life since the minute I got on the plane.
I have another concern, aside from my deplorable condition today, and that is Joe. We talked for two hours last night, until 1 am. I'm scared that if I keep this up, I'll end up breaking up with Joseph, and you know I'd hate to ruin his life (not because I'm the center of his universe, but hey, he's in love with me). He's a very serious, commited boyfriend, something hard to find. He's been a great addition to my life, and I'd hate to lose him, or even worse, seem ungrateful for all he's done for me.
It doesn't matter if Joe likes me back or doesn't like me back -God, I hope he doesn't-, it's that I couldn't be with someone when I have feelings for somebody else. Hell, I still have feelings for Joseph, too. I'll call him tonight, hopefully that'll clear my head. I'm also thinking of going to the mall he's working at, to see him.
It makes me feel bad saying all this, but I had to get it out of my chest. Now I need to go back to bed.
prev / next