Thursday, 01/31/02 - 10:00 pm.
I had some problems with the Internet connection yesterday and the ISP didn't fix int until tonight. They're, oh, so lame.
Well, catching up: first thing in the yesterday-today list...yes, The Guy. I was very jealous yesterday, because I kept seeing him with other girls. I'm-oh-so stupid. I had a dream last night and he was in it. He was hanging out in my house, playing in the garage with something and he tried to kiss me. I backed up because the door was open and I was afraid someone of my family would see us. *sigh*
Shit. Was it a coincidence that I was staying yesterday until 4 pm and so he was? I mean, his classes and mine were over at 3. I stayed longer to study with Mars and Adriana. When I was packing up my books, ready to leave, I saw him coming down the hall. this is weird shit, what a coincidence, I thought. We always stay the same days until the same time (I always see him in the parkway leaving, or waiting for his parents to pick him up). Quite a coincidence. But, as I said before, it makes no difference between us. What a pity.
Today also, both his and my classroom were dismissed at 4 pm. I saw him when I was leaving school. To think that we could be together all that time....Someone up there (or in front of a monitor) must be laughing at me. Yesterday, he also called and told me about his "first time". No big deal besides that, the same old shit.
Cel (Hi, Cel *Simeon waves*) asked me about him and, to be honest, I was embarrased because someone knew about that. I'd never ever in my life told anyone anything of such nature about me. No one. I never tell anyone "oh, I like him" and stuff like that. I don't talk about love, unless it's about someone else's feelings or just a monologue with myself (or with Simeon, for that matter). Then I was embarrased for being embarrased. Then I felt embarrased for being embarrased for being embarrased...and so on. Oh, well. One more thing about him....he ignored me today. Yeah, that's not breaking news when it's in public, but this time there was actually no one around. And he just walked by. It hurt me and it pissed me off. You fuckin' asshole.
Yeah, I remembered the highlight of yesterday....MY SCHOOL IS A FUCKIN' SELLOUT!!!! Shit, they have the "Pepsi" logo and letters all over the main BKB court, and on the cafeteria walls, and on the tables (the tables are the Pepsi logo) and everything is white, red and blue down in our recess area!!!!! To make it even more stupid....my-school-does-not-sell-Pepsi, ok? How fuckin' sick is that? We'll probably be the "Class of 2002, sponsored by Pepsi". Well, Dany said that if the Pepsi company gives him the "Class of '02" shirt, he's fine with it. I thought school sold out and lost integrity. Fidel laughed and said that it doesn't mean the school lost it. Maybe not, maybe I overreacted. Still, my school is a multimillionaire-company hooker.
Today one sweet thing happened. Well, two...no, wait, three. First, I talked to Cory. I missed talking to him. He said he wanted to tell me something. We got together after lunch and he told me he liked this girl.....poor Cory. Her name is Claudia and she's a popular girl. I didn't know what to tell him to do, except for that I'll try to find out if she's got a boyfriend (popular, hot girls like her are never available, so I imagine she's not. I hate to say this, but I don't see much of a future for him and her as a couple). He said he wouldn't be able to stand another infatuation situation (he had the same problem last year and the girl he was going after never talked to him again) and that he'd truly kill himself if so happened *sigh*. Well, so the thing is....he doesn't know her. Not further than "hello" and such. I asked him if he thought it was some kind of curiosity what was attracting him to her. That's why I love talking to you about this stuff, you always understand. Aw. Yeah, I understand. I've been through that-oh-so-many-times. So it's up to me, I guess. He can't ask anyone because once you've asked someone...the word is out on the street.
Second thing. Arturo, Cel's boyfriend...wants to be my friend! He's so damn cool. He and other four guys in the classroom are simply the comedy central of the classroom. I'm very flattered, I've always to get along with that kind of boys. Plus, he loves rock music. Heavier than Aerosmith, but rock is rock. Celina said he thought I was weird or something. How fuckin' cool is that, right, Simeon? *Simeon claps enthusiasthically* We exchanged a few words today, just like that, just because. I played harmonica for the both of them and I succesfully sucked. But they said it was great. In the middle of the class, he called me and said that it sounded great. Aaawwww...he's a cool kid. So, if I'm Sim.....I have a new family friend!!!!!
Third thing....and this was so...thoughtful? Indescribable. I wonder if that happened courtesy of whoever is up there laughing at me. Anyway, I was lying against a pole, in front of the classroom. It was kind of early, so the doors weren't open yet. I was feeling a bit sad, because I was probably the only freak from Senior High who wasn't talking to anyone. Everybody was chatting to one another and I was just lying against it, watching social life passing me by. I sighed and I looked accross the hall, through all that shiny, happy, bachelor-to-be people....I thought it'd be amazing if out of nowhere (well, out of that mass of people) someone would come up to me and make my day. The Guy had just left (when I arrived, he was talking to someone in front of my classroom) and I definitely had given up hope that it'd be him. Nothing. Nothing happened.
Later on, Veronica came by, some of her friends came by, Cel came by and I lent her one ring and a bracelet (she had forgotten hers at home). And well....I got surrounded by people, but nothing was happening. Then I felt hands covering my eyes...I touched them, they were male's hands....Steven Tyler? Joe Perry?..., I mentioned the whole band....then I mentioned the whole Tyler family....and the voice whispered What about the little cow?....I turned around and it was Melvin!!!!! I was so happy, we gave each other a hug (I think it's the first time we've hugged each other) and then I hit him in the forearm (kindly) and asked him why the hell he didn't tell me he was leaving town for a month and, more important, why he didn't tell me he passed summer school. Anyway, I was so happy to see him.
Then I remembered that a few minutes ago, I was wishing for someone to come out of nothing and make me smile. And there he was.
Ok, so that's basically my life. I'm having ups and downs every five minutes. One second I'm damn happy about something and the next second I'm sad because I feel lonely. The next second I'm with someone and blah, blah, blah....it's a cool experience though. Most of the times I'm quite happy, just to be there with all those people, despite I really don't talk to so many. I feel so fuckin' excited, I'm having the time of my life. I think this is definitely the best year of school I've ever had.
Tomorrow we're staying for our first meeting as class of '02. Despite how much I hate the guy right now, I'm terribly sad because he's not with us. And I feel the same way about Claudia (I mean, I'm sad she's not with us), Norman's girl. They both deserved being with us.
Something else....we might listen to Aerosmith songs in english class. Today our teacher played One Of Us, by Joan Osbourne (I kinda liked the song, but never knew the lyrics were that beautiful) and Wonderwall, by Oasis. It's the only Oasis song I really like. Dany was more than happy, because he loves Oasis (we have our brother/sister-fight-like discussions about who's better, whether Aerosmith or Oasis). I'll get Diana (the english teacher) to play Dream On. I live by those lyrics, and the melody is beautiful. Now....I'll go practice my harmonica, maybe I can play a little better for Cel and Art tomorrow. I never knew playing harmonica could fuck up one's throat. Well, I guess. I've been playing for a quite a long time and it hurt a bit.
Woe is me, I feel so badly for you
woe is me, I feel so sadly for you in time
bound to lose your mind
live on borrowed time
take the wind out
of your sails..... -
Aerosmith, "Seasons of Wither"
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