My day wasn't so bad as I expected. I got afraid for nothing. I did miss Fidel and Nayda, but...even not seeing the guy wasn't such a big deal for me. I managed to be ok with my loneliness. I did see Fidel twice: when I got to school in the morning and in the afternoon (he'd arrived to do I don't know what). Everything seems to be fairly good up there, in Loyola.

Today I packed something extra for school: Simeon. Yeah, Simeon was in my pocket, we held hands...he was with me throughout the whole day. Everytime I'd feel alone in a bad way, I'd look at him and everything would get better just like that.

I showed him around and people went: hey, how cute!. It's Simeon, I said. Awwww!!!! Is this Simeon? I finally got to meet him!. You'll see, he oficially exists in my life since 4th grade, back in...1995, if I'm not mistaken. So he's very well known. Elsy, even Elsy approached to me, and we started talking about the good ol' times with Simeon, because when I met him, I wasn't alone. Elsy, Jimmy and Alejandro (both thrown out of school) were with me. I thought it was great that I could finally get to talk to her, specially about such a special time in my life. I wish I'd get along with her more often.

I didn't cross a word with Carmen. Veronica invited to have a snack with her on recess but I said I had to study (I had to, anyway). Then she literally kidnapped me to have lunch with her. I did. But we stayed in the cafeteria, when I usually stay in the hall all by myself. And I thought of the advantages of being alone. I did find something weird...she was alone. So I kinda felt she was with me because she just didn't want to be alone. Denver joined us after lunch so I left her with him and I went to the green tables to keep studying (I had a test on the first afternoon period). Then I got back to her. I noticed she was about to cry, I know her ways. Sure enough, the bell rang and I had to go to computer science. As I was arriving to the room, I saw her, from far away, being hugged by Hector, for a long time. Yes, she is. I kinda felt bad, but...I don't know. Is not that I don't care for her, I...I'm just used to see her cry from far away, never knowing why.

I tried to call The Guy last night to say good-bye. No one answered so he was either out with his family or home alone masturbating and didn't want to be interrupted. Let go of him, he's never been yours, anyway. It's not that easy but I'm trying my best. I was (I still am) very nervous today, specially from 12:00 to 2:00 p.m. That was the time when he made a move on me last year: during the recess after lunch. I'd think of him making a move on someone else and I'd frown and noddle for myself. Because: a) I was hoping that wouldn't happen and b) I really shouldn't care about it, it's his life.

Today not only I was holding hands with Simeon, but I also felt...like I was there, up there in Loyola.

That red house over yonder
that's where my baby's staying
Something bad tells me my baby
my baby don't want me no more.

Shit, how many times have I used that line? Many, many times. But believe me, it's never been so true.

There was some...something that made me feel I was there. Everytime I looked at my watch, I'd go: he must be doing *this* or *that* right now. Even at this time, I'm thinking that maybe he already found someone to have sex with tonight. I hope to God he's not that lucky. I hope to God he thinks of me and what we did (no, we did not have sex)....but I know he won't. Simple, because it didn't mean anything to him. It'd have been the same for him if it had been another girl.

I have an important math exam tomorrow, so I'd better go to study. Right now I think The Guy is....well, the spiritual activities for today may finished right now. He must be hanging out (*Simeon shakes* probably with someone), waiting for the 10:00 movie (we always watch a movie at night), then for the bonfire until midnight...and then, God knows what he'll do until he falls asleep (if he does). Usually, we party all night long (they, the others do. As much as I'd love to, I just walk around and do nothing), or at least until 3:00 a.m. Although those things are supposed to be your "retirement" from the world, an encounter with yourself, two days of silence and inner peace. Those ideals are forgotten from 7:00 p.m. until 8:30 a.m. the next morning. Good Lord....

I'm taking Simeon with me tomorrow, again. He helps me to deal with issues. He says that I'm not alone, that someone's absence keeps me company. He also says that the regular Pepsi can give you cancer.

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