Drama queen is just the tip of the iceberg.
Monday, 06/03/02 - 5:51 pm.

You know? I e-mailed Jack. Jack who? Jack Douglas. Who's Jack Douglas? What do you mean "who's Jack Douglas"? Ever heard the story of Aerosmith?

Early in the morning, I was ovationated by Fidel. Ok, you can't quite call one person clapping an ovation. But hey, ego-booster alert.

- Me: you know, Fidel...I won't go on the prom trip in august.
- Fidel: (*clapping and laughing*) Bravo! Bravo! finally someone with common sense! (*more clapping*). You are the most sensible person I know.

I was in awe....that was very efusive and unexpected. And I smiled, because he looks funny when he's effusive. I could only ask him why.

Because...what's the big necessity of going to a foreign country for a week with that many people? what will you do there?.

Yes, you could say "have fun", but my concept of having fun doesn't involve one hundred people traveling by bus to a foreign country for a week, especially when that hundred people make you feel like an alien. Yes, I promised someone I'd think about it, after the big dilemma of the last trip. I did think about it. Carefully. That's why I'm not going.

I had a happy math exam. I did better than I thought, although it doesn't matter, because I suck and I'll fail again the fucking subject this month. I was actually very frustrated, because it was an easy exam, something very rare in my life, and I could've done even better. Damn math. I hate radians.

On the second recess, I walked up to Cel, and I said: hey, listen...I've been meaning to *at least* send you an e-mail, we haven't talked in a while...but since I haven't sent it, I'm sending myself right now, as an attachment. She laughed and hugged me. Walking behind us, there was Art. Still under the "3 mt. rule", that doesn't let them approach to each other less than 3 mt.

I hung out with them on that recess. We went to the cafeteria, they bought a snack for me (aren't they sweet?), we went up to the little bank that's in the parking lot (Cel had to pay school) and then Cel and I went back down to the hallways, while Art went down to the other cafeteria. He bought me a spiderman lollipop with a sticker inside (*tear in left eye*). I love them. They're my best friends. I needed that feeling so bad.

Cel once found me laughing to myself. Victor and other kids had just walked by and we screamed funny stuff about the crowd, and I kept that smile on my face. Cel tapped my shoulder from behind and I turned my head to her, still smiling. That's so sweet and rare! I'd never found anyone smiling alone....

To top the day off, on the last period, science, we had a little picnic. Charlie always makes the ones who are late for class bring food for the rest of the classmates. There was a good bunch of people that had come in late these past weeks, so they all brought sandwiches and soda.

Ok, those were the good aspects of the day. The bad aspect is that I love The Guy and I want to help him study (and I'm sure he won't let me). I asked him this morning how his exam went, he said "ok". Fidel was there and when The Guy left he said: you can tell he's worried. I thought so, too. It wasn't that ok.

I saw him after dismissal, and two of the voices in my head had a little argue over what to do. It was kind of like this:
- Voice one: ohmygod...hesoverthere!!!
- Voice two: so what?
- Voice one: walk slowly, so we'll run into him!!!
- Voice two: if we run into him, will something good happen?
- Voice one: Nnnn...no. But we'll run into him.
- Voice two: Bullshit. You! Walk faster!

You refering to me. So I walked faster. It was no use trying to run into him at all, that voice was right. So I rushed and arrived to my dad's car. I asked him to pick me up, because I live 5-10 minutes away from school...it's like this: I'm dismissed at 12:30 (except on wednesdays and thursdays). If my dad picks me up, I'm home by 12:50 (because of the rush hour). If I take the school bus, I'm home by 1:50. Because I'm the dumb last one to be dropped off.

So I'm not being "daddy's little cutie", I'm just being pragmatic (oh, the things you learn at school...).

The last news as of today is...Veronica. The girl that everybody hates. Even the Gang hates her, despite she's the girlfriend of a "member" (Clown). She's a drama queen. She's always the victim, you're always the villain. She's always giving lame excuses about her behavior.

So here's today's drama:
like I said, Veronica did to Sophie the same thing she's been doing to me for several years. And as an advice, I told Sophie she should let her know her feelings, something I did not. So she wrote a letter, telling her everything she felt. And Veronica wrote back, and Sophie showed the reply to me. The content was made of self-pity, victimization and unbearable excuses: I suffer so much, and when that happens, I tend to get away from the people I love (...) Let's talk. She asked me what to do. If you're going to talk to her...make sure *you* do the talking. "Talking" means to her: "listen to me, because I'm suffering".

It's becoming quite uncomfortable all this situation, and it's making me look at the wounds I have that will never be healed, when I just wanted to forget everything. Veronica will always make you look like the villain. You, you are the bad person. That was Sofia's biggest fear. She gave her the letter and she was scared: she's going to cry, I know. Her friends will think I said ugly things to her. I'd always taken her crying for granted, since I learned who she was. Vic, Cel, Art...almost the whole Gang hates her. She's gained a lot of enemies, especially now that, as Cel said, her victims are falling like flies.

I'll tell you how she is.
Behavior #1. She's with you. You're her best friend. Then she finds someone else and it's all about a happy bunch. Then she starts dragging that someone from here to there, and ignores your existence. You tell her. She cries, she says she's sorry, she's crazy, it won't happen again. (the rest will develop depending on whether you choose to forgive her -big mistake of mine- or push her away for good).

Behavior #2. (As told by Cel, as seen by myself and many other people). She's in class. The teacher walks in. She starts crying. She calls the teacher's attention. She talks to the teacher (during class or recess), because...she loves to be heard by grown ups. She goes out of class, to the restroom. She comes back, sobbing. She approaches to her current best male friends, sits on one of their laps, and laughs like she's the happiest person in the world. And she stays that way, until she finds another chance to play the victim.

I saw her after she'd read Sophie's letter, and she was crying, surrounded by Norman, Rod, Roberto, Adri (her current toy...err, best friend) and other people, who were holding her and such.

Somewhere between 6th and 8th grade, she discovered how wonderful it is to be the center of attention and pity. I love her, seriously. And perhaps it all comes down to the fact that I never solved my conflict with her, and that I'd also LOVE to know what's wrong...be allowed back in her life, you know?

But yes, I'm pissed off. For many, many reasons. It's still hard for me to talk about it.

Ok, that's enough, I have to study for tomorrow. Damn capitalism.

Hey, you know what...I'm already making plans after I graduate from school. I'm going to kill myself in december. But I'm still thinking about it...Cel said she wanted me to be the godmother of her and Art's children, so I might as well go forward with my life until it runs dry by itself.

prev / next