World Cup? Who needs a World Cup?
Tuesday, 06/04/02 - 2:43 pm.

I hate her. I hate that bitch. Yes, she was a mistake, I wish her mother would've decided not to have her. She was a fuckin' mistake in my life.
When I got home, I ripped off the last letters she'd given to me and threw the pieces away. I'm going to break the doll she gave me for her 15th birhday party. I'm going to crash it against the wall.
She walks by, like nothing. I don't exist for her. She walks by, laughing out loud, with Adri or any boy by her arm. I don't exist for her, never will again. No, I don't care about it. It just hurts me...it's so fuckin' unfair.
I cried this morning. And no one noticed. And I didn't care no one noticed, because I wasn't crying to put a show on. I was crying because I loved her, I sacrificed myself for her, but she's so blind, so self-centered, so selfish....
Why is that happening again? I'd buried it some time ago, I don't want to be reminded how worthless I was and still am for her.
It's all about her. Because for her, friendship it's just a tool, although she makes it look like the most divine experience. Because I couldn't see that, I was too absorbed in trying to be there for her whenever she needed me. I was being her friend.
I don't think anyone understands how deep this is. "Oh, it's just one of your friends turning her back to you, it does happen to many people". Yes, it does. But she makes me feel worthless, and whatever I do it's worthless, and whatever I say it's worthless, and whatever I am it's worthless.
I want to kill her. I want to destroy her cute little face with my fists, with every ring I wear on every finger, I want to kick her body until I take out her pathetic soul. I want to scream at her, I want to insult her, and make her feel regret, and make her feel a guilty conscience over what she did to me, and feel it so deep she'll cry her eyes out, like I'm doing right fuckin' now...I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER.

I've found a new entertainment. The Gang now plays football (soccer) on the field that's accross the parking lot.

On the second recess, Ricardo yells to me: Hey, Spider...wanna play football?. I figured it'd be a good way to distract me from everything. I went up and down (I mean, went up to the parking lot, walked accross it and then went down to the football soccer field on the opposite side) and the whole Gang (about 15 kids) was there. Even The Guy. And I watched them play soccer. I don't play soccer. I can't play soccer. And I realized neither some of them could. Which made it even more hilarious. They didn't even know what the final score was (Pereira: the crowd plays for passion). I'm going to see them tomorrow again.

That match was better than any World Cup.

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