Sunday, 04/17/05 - 10:15 pm.
It would have been eleven months today. And I got sadder and sadder as the day went by. I couldn't accomplish any single academic task I'd set up for today. Partly because of this, but also I just don't feel that I'm doing anything well.
My nephew's 9th birthday was this week, so my parents, my sister, him and I jumped in the car this afternoon and went to the mall, so he could choose his present. I wasn't going to go, but I had to buy the birthday cards for the acquaintances whose birthdays are in may (this is a crowded month...Fidel, Carmen, Veronica, my brother in Houston, Mikey and some others). I could've gone some other day, take the car myself...but I don't want to go alone, and that leads me to miss Joseph.
On our way to the mall, I saw a young couple crossing the street. They had their fingers interlaced, and the guy kind of raised his hand, thus raising the gal's, and he kissed the back of her hand while tightly closing his eyes. That hit me horribly, because Joseph used to that. My heart shattered instantly, and I wanted to start crying right there.
My nephew got two DVDs (one being Shark Tale, which will be stolen in a near future, I predict), and I bought the cards...well, my dad paid for them. I wanted to buy a mini Ninja Turtle, and then a Castle with fairies, princess, prince and an unicorn (my thing in childhood was playing with Polly Pocket-like dolls), and then a My Little Pony. And THEN, Alice in Wonderland for VHS. But like my brother said, better start saving for a DVD player instead. I got nothing in the end. That's ok, I probably just wanted to fill a void.
I could barely hold my tears until I came back home. I miss him, and it would've been eleven months today. And I love him, and he was everything, and I wish he came back. And stuff. The usual brokenheartedness, I guess.
Right now I'm less tearful, but I'm kind of in agony.
At least there's something that made my day. No, three things. Three little people. I gave my nephew his birthday present this evening, and he loved it. I talked to my niece in Houston, who sounds a bit more grown up now (LORD!). AND, my nephew, also in Houston, sent me an e-mail. I almost cried, he's so polite and loving and caring. He's turning thirteen next week *tears*. THIRTEEN! And they're coming on july 4th. Something nice to look forward to.
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