Tuesday, 04/26/05 - 10:12 pm.
This afternoon I went to a book fair in the campus, and bought two books. I went to the library to return three books. I went to sit on the ditch in the little forest (where I was yesterday) to study for my next midterm, and ended up spending time with Joseph.
See, I was sitting on that ditch, reading, and he approached. I thought he'd only wave and carry on, but he came and sat on the other edge, smoking. Our conversation wasn't a big deal. Stuff about how he'd slept only three hours today, and other irrelevant topics. He dropped a cigarette in the ditch, and when he picked it up, he came to the other side and sat next to me. And then used his backpack as a pillow. Then I gave him mine. And we talked some more. And he kind of fell asleep at times.
I asked him to come with me to the mall, on friday. He said something about me taking my shirt off. That was the condition to go to the mall with me, and he said it twice. I think he was kind of flirting, because I know he wasn't joking.
He yelled "gorgeous" at some gal, and then mumbled something like she knew she was hot, the dumb girl. That's nothing new, he always compliments girls, and even boys, he has this philosophy that you have to bright people's day. But this time I felt bad, because I...I knew I'm not "the one" anymore. And I won't be getting any compliments from him anymore.
Are you feeling content?, he asked. I said I couldn't say yes or no. I was happy to be with him, but unhappy that he doesn't feel anything for me anymore, but that I didn't say. He looked me in the eye three times, in that odd way when someone is checking you out, but not exactly your body. I'd quickly look away, because I was scared he'd see that I still have feelings for him. And I was scared he wouldn't.
I told him he looked like Captain Jack Sparrow. He said he'd been told that, and couldn't understand why. Moron. Then we talked about dingos. And I believe that was it. He got up, gave me back my backpack, put a hand on my cheeck and pulled my face to kiss me there (I swear I'd have thought he was going to kiss me in the lips, if I hadn't had a lollipop between them). He pressed his lips hard against it and kept them there for a couple of seconds. It was very affectionate and tender. But a friendship kiss nonetheless.
When we parted, I felt torn. But still good. It actually helps me that we're getting along well. Still, I went to get me a coffee granita to swallow the encounter.
Then I ran into his best friend, C. He didn't look very good, and he explained he'd barely had any sleep and couldn't even have lunch (it was 4:30), because he was working on a paper. I really like the guy, he's been very supportive, and I'd always wanted to do something for him. So I gave him my cookies and my juice. He ate them, and I kept him company meanwhile. He had to go class, but he said I love you, babe, as a thank you for the snack. Aaaawww.
I went swimming this morning, at 7 am. I had to take a 1:45 long nap, in which I dreamed of Ninja Jesus and The Beatles: a George Harrison song is the cue for Jesus Christ to become a ninja; it's a DVD movie, but when I try to see the scene again, appears a different one, in which Lennon and McCartney are having a pow-wow with the mafia. My God.
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