Monday, 05/09/05 - 9:24 pm.
I got the results of my Latinamerican Literature midterm this afternoon. I got a very beautiful 10, and the lady said it was one of the best. Oh, um...yay. YAY, I say.
However, I got a 8.8 with my brother, and that was painful. I expected a better grade. And you know why I failed (to my standars)? BECAUSE I FORGOT TO WRITE A GODDAMN EXAMPLE!!! After class I approached to him and said: the example.... He made a face, I know...believe me, it hurt me more. He said he knows I knew the answer, and told me that, in the end, I shouldn't get stuck on that. But yeah, we were both very frustrated, go figure. I'm kicking myself for that, and I'm afraid I will for a long time.
- Angel: can one kick oneself?
- Me: yes, your hand. You can kick your hand.
I spent most of my afternoon with Maniac. Maniac is a friend I met through Joseph, and since he already graduated, he isn't seen much around campus. The guy has a very special view on the world, so it's always nice and funny talking to him. Only I don't get the impression he has brain damage anymore. He made my day, and I love it when people love talking to me. He was walking with this girl, the one Joseph once told me he liked her...and Maniac ditched her for me. I was embarrased, but I have some aversion to her (as I have with every girl who I relate to Joseph).
Speaking of, I saw Joseph. He saw me, but it was one of those encounters in which you're just randonmly looking around and only after the person has walked away you realized who that was. So we didn't wave. He sucks. But I try not to dwell on him too much.
Ergo, I dwell on Joe. I saw him from afar, too, as I saw Joseph. He didn't see me. I was hoping he'd turn around, but nothing. That's alright. I'm letting myself have feelings for him (I would even if I didn't let me) because that makes me care less about Joseph. Because you know, Joseph kind of sucks.
Unfortunately, that also makes me see that Joe is a whole better than I thought he was, when I was dating that-other-guy and he was only my crush. He makes me laugh. Last night, we were talking, and he did the drawing of a man with glasses being shot (it was funny, in a twisted way). Who's that, I asked. "A capitalist", he said. That made my heart sink, and I think I fell in love with him right there, because I went to bed finding it hard to breathe, smiling so hard.
I showed the drawing to Angel, and he said he loved him and that I should make out with him. I don't need that kind of ideas right now.
Look, even though I saw Joseph and I MISSED A GODDAMN EXAMPLE, I'll finish this entry with a fast heartbeat...just because I'm talking to Joe right now. I know, I know, I suck.
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