Monday, 05/16/05 - 9:58 pm.
My dad was getting some award today, so he had to drop me off early at the campus. I sat at a table under some trees, next to the tiny cafeteria (of only four tables). And I worked on diverse assignments.
Time went slowly, until Samuel walked by. He didn't see me, but I followed him with my eyes. Paul McCartney Guy, his classmate, was there, too. He ran into JC and another musician. I always enjoy those musican encounters...it's like that society you secretly wish you belonged to. Only Joe and Victor were missing (that I know of). But by the way, I was waiting for Victor. I was hoping to see Joe.
Minutes later, Samuel walked by again, and this time around he came and sat next to me. Yay, company, I thought. He told me that he and his band will be on the radio tomorrow night, to introduce a song of theirs. Samuel and Joe are in the same band...I'm afraid I'll be in class at the time of the interview, but it's so exciting. I'd never been friends with band guys before.
We talked a lot about music. How he's friends with one of the most talented musicians in the country, and how he doesn't like the name of the band. Uh, I don't like it either. You know, it's probably me being self-centered, but I fear he might like me. We spend a lot of time together, and the way he looks at me kind of scares me. Hopefully it's just me, being stupid. As usual. Oh, hey, he'll teach me to play Helter Skelter *melts*
I saw Joe going to class, but he didn't see me. And then Victor finally arrived, and we went to Mr. PhD's office to drop off a few papers we'd been working on. At the same time, Joseph was around. I'd seen him walk by once, and we could've run into each other, but luckily I was going in a different direction.
Samuel, Victor and I went to the Airport Building (the restrooms remind me of airports). Bye to Samuel, then Victor and I did our thing with Mr. PhD and then just wandered around, until we found Irene walking into campus. Because you know, our bonds make us always find each other as if we have radars.
Victor went off somewhere else, while Irene and I were on our way to the classroom. Peachy. Joseph was coming my way, with his arm around a girl he always call "sister", and with Fer. We were friendly, but amazingly brief. Half a wave, I heard Joseph say "hello". Only Fer actually stopped walking and kissed us on the cheek.
Later on, I saw Joseph again. Forgive me for saying this, but he looked very handsome today. Add the fact that he'd finally taken off his denim jacket. I've always loved his body, and the shirts he wears. I think he glanced at me, but I doubt it. I mentioned to Irene that tomorrow would've been our one year anniversary.
I still have so much to tell him, because everyday I realize more and more shit that went on. And it's not pretty. I don't do it, I just bite my tongue and stop my fingers (because our only communication now is my one-way text messages). I'm usually dying to do it, but after seeing him today several times, five, precisely, I feel like letting go. At least for now.
You know, I dreamed I was dating John Lennon. Come to think of it, it was Joseph. A Joseph that was in it only for the sex. I knew that, and I wasn't in love with him either, but I was fooling myself, because he was John Lennon and I wanted to be wanted by him. It was a very sad dream.
At night, I was waiting for my dad to pick me up when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and it was Samuel. I heard him say you're blind, man. I looked around-around and Joe was standing practically in front of me, but he hadn't recognized me. "What?", he asked Samuel. You are blind. And only then he recognized me.
Joe asked me what I was doing in the university so late. Oh, yeah, classes. Well, duh. He's cute. He slightly touched my arm (HE TOUCHED MY ARM!) and said, hey, you're never online anymore. I said yeah, I know...no, I mean, YOU are never online. I wasn't really paying attention, I was more focused on seeing my dad coming, and his car was already in front of me. But I really, really didn't want to leave [him].
So, un...I take it he's been coming online every night, as usual, but since friday there's something that's keeping us from seeing the other one online? And I thought he'd died...err, his computer had crashed. Damn it. Then how do you fix that?
It was funny, because he showed up when I wasn't expecting it, at all. Typical. I love that, but then again, I'm expecting to see him all the time, so it's hard for it to happen.
Note to self: he has the same schedule as me on monday.
I'm sorry, I can't finish this entry, I'm giggling too much...
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