Wednesday, 05/18/05 - 2:03 pm.
That Adrian storm is going to hit us directly in a few hours. So I'm updating now, just in case.
I had a lot to tell. I went to see Joseph this morning. We cuddled, we kissed. We're in love. We're not back together. He said I'll always be his baby girl, no matter what (in his defense, it didn't sound corny at all).
Bye for now.
EDIT (8:05 PM)
Well, I get to update before the now-hurricane Adrian comes. I'm scared, I have to admit it. More than anything, I wish I could be with Joseph.
Well, let me go deeper on what happened this morning. I took the car, and lied to my parents. I was going to tell them, I'll go see Joseph, but I figured it wasn't time to engage in fights about morals, rape and "people these days".
I arrived there, his smiling mom received me. She yelled at him, because he was still asleep. I went down the stairs, to his bedroom, and I heard him mumbling to his mom "dammit, woman, you scared me". He opened the door, he saw me, and closed it again. "You're not my mother!!!".
He let me in, of course. He invited me to sit on his bed. I was thinking of what to say, but as he said a few times, words weren't necessary. He slipped his hand under my shirt, "your muscles are shapping up" -because of the swimming- and finally pulled me over. We only cuddled, it was more tender than sexual. For maybe 20-25 minutes, which was all the time I had.
He said he still liked me. Right now, I don't remember what we said...it wasn't a lot, but the little we did say was meaningful. But yes, we're in love with each other. He said I will always be his baby girl, and I told him he's my first love. That's a heavy title, he said.
Leave me a mark, I whispered. But he said no. Because I already left one here [puts hand in my chest] and one here [puts hand in my forehead]. That's enough.
I told him about how, when we broke up, I thought I shouldn't try to get back together, because he could think I was pathetic. No...I once called you stupid, granted. But I may call you again now, because of this. I respect you, I have always respected you, and I won't stop now. Yes. He's right.
He gave me a knife. That says a lot. A LOT.
I came home, and cried. I hate this, I hate that I can't do anything right now. But I'm so relieved that he's still the guy I fell in love with, the one that stil cares for me.
I fucking love him, and I want to be with him right now.
At noon, I heard about Adrian. I got so pissed off. The authorities are highly incompetent, WHY DO THEY START THE ALERT (which, in my opinion, should be red) SIX HOURS BEFORE EVERYTHING HAPPENS? They knew three days ago. I foresee a tragedy of epical proportions. I'm scared, for my family and especially for people who are in horrible living conditions.
Of course things get ugly. You start hearing rumours, and the end of the times, and all that. Fatalism is terrific. How do you get a country, A WHOLE COUNTRY, ready for a hurricane in six hours? A country that's, in its own right, vulnerable.
I spent my afternoon working with my four friends on some assignment. Samuel joined us, funnily enough. We had tons of laughs, for hours, and later on my brother, in class, said we relay on humor to face catastrophes. We sure did. We even played guitar for a while, with Samuel. He's teaching me a few things, and Victor was supporting me, too.
There were practically no classes. I won't be going to the university until monday. My brother's class was the last one, and he dismissed us earlier. The campus was nearly empty, and crickets were chirping. The calm before the storm.
Now I'm here, a little more scared than I was in the afternoon. Because I just found out it's a hurricane, and psh, we are not ready for a hurricane. Ok, no town could ever be ready, but I mean, we are "third-world" degree, still recovering from the tail of a tropical storm that hit a small piece of the territory in 1998.
I'll go pack my Simeon notebooks and vital stuff. And I'll go call Joseph. I just called Joseph.
- Him: hey, love (HE CALLED ME LOVE!!! He hadn't since last year!). How may I help you?
- Me: I just wanted to know if you were safe...are you home yet?
- Him: nah, I'm in some bar with three homosexuals.
- Me: oh
- Him: you know I'm a ranger.
I'll go write a memoir about this, maybe that'll help.