Sunday, 05/22/05 - 8:22 pm.
This sunday, I broke the sunday spell. No lame, boring, awful, disgusting, depressing day. No. It was GREAT.
Yesterday I didn't go out at all, and I told my mom that, and that I was feeling sick because of it. She said it was understandable, and yes, I should go out. That's how my speech began.
You see, I was determined to see Joseph today. So I thought, well, I'll go see Star Wars III with him. But I wasn't sure whether to call Joseph first, to see if he wanted to come (he'd already seen it) or tell my parents first, in case they said "no, you can't go" and I'd have to break off the engagement with Joseph, like it happened the other day. I spent three damn hours in the morning, thinking about it. Not daring to do anything.
Instead, I kept fluttering around my mom, telling her that I wanted to go see Star Wars, and that I didn't know who to go with. I couldn't fucking dare to say "I'll go with Joseph", so I was only complaining I didn't know who to take. She even offered to come with me, but that wasn't the point at all.
My original plan was to go to the 11:30 am screening. I never dared to tell my parents, though, and I just ended up calling Joseph to say hi. But during our conversation, I was enlightened. Hey, Cel's here on vacation from college, let's take her to the movies...wanna go see Star Wars again?. He said that it sounded good to him.
So I called Cel, but I got the "this number doesn't exist" message. Time kept flying, and it was 1:10 pm. I was about to give up, and surrender to an awful sunday afternoon, full of regrets and "what ifs", but I had a hunch, my last hope. And sure enough, Cel was online. I asked her if she wanted to come with us to the movies at 2:30, and she said absolutely, just let me take a bath.
I was saved. Mom, I said. Cel replied to my e-mail, she says she can come. Mom said ok, dad said ok. I sent a text message to Joseph, telling him everything was set up.
So I drove to his house. He gave me a peck on the lips, and we drove to Cel's house, like five houses down from his. She got out and gave us a big hug, saying how happy she was to see us both.
So we went to the mall. I met 4th gear for the first time, and Cel said she couldn't believe she was finally riding in a car driven by me. And look how fast she's going, she said.
We were in line, and she said to Joseph, kiss her on the forehead!, and so he kissed me on the forehead. That was frighteningly random, but so is she, and she has no problem showing how sorry she is for our split-up. At the snack bar, he complimented me, I replied something and he said psh, you know I like you. Aw.
I paid for all three tickets. They didn't want me to, but I think $9.50 isn't too high of a price to pay for an afternoon of freedom with your best friend and the love of your life.
I'm not a big Star Wars fan (I always get lost in the story), but I enjoyed it very much. Actually, the best part was having Joseph next to me. We were very close all through the movie, and once I leaned in to ask him for the time, he kissed me on the neck. We'd touch our arms, or lean on each other's shoulder, whatever. Stuff like that. Sometimes I'd feel him staring at me. I wanted to hold his hand.
The movie ended, but Joseph had to go somewhere else so he stayed in the mall. I hated that, but he kissed me on the lips goodbye and hugged me. I took Cel to my house, to prove my parents I was with her...they didn't question me at all, they trusted I would be with her. But still. I wanted them to see it was true (*cough* most of the true, anyway).
I drove her home afterwards, explaining her shortly how things are between Joseph and me...just barely, I still can't talk and drive. She invited me into her house, and I met her parents, her strange brother and her bedroom. I love it, the walls are a beautiful shade of blue. She's home from college for two months, so we'll go see each other again soon, I hope. And we can go visit Joseph, she smiled mischievously.
I came home at almost 6:30, glad to know I'd finally spent a sunday afternoon out, on my own (meaning, not with my family). It felt so good.
Joseph called me at night. You looked gorgeous today. That caught me off-guard. I thought I looked rather unattractive. Well, love of my life, I just called you to say hi, and tell you you looked beautiful. Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Four minutes later, I picked up the phone and dialed his number. I had a confession to make. I just wanted to tell you...well, all this afternoon wasn't about seeing the movie, it was about seeing you. I think he was stunned.
But it's the truth. It was all about him.
I have other thoughts, but I'll stay on the bright side today. Good Lord, I love Joseph so much.
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