Tuesday, 05/24/05 - 9:21 pm.
Through three text messages at midnight, I let Joseph know how I was REALLY feeling yesterday. That I was madly in love with him but that was directly proportional to how hurt I was, and that it'd be like me telling him, "hey, guess what? I'm dating my guitar instructor. I'm SO hung up on you, but he's my boyfriend, anyway".
It made me feel better, even though I wanted to cry the whole time, until I fell asleep. Luckily, happily, he called me in the morning.
With his help, I finally can sum up the whole last entry in one word: jealousy. I was jealous. He wasn't happy about it, though. I didn't sleep well, fearing you were crying, knowing I'd hurt you. I keep wondering if telling you was the right thing to do...I even thought of breaking up with her through a text-message, to get the hell over with this.
I told him it was the right thing to do, and I thanked him for telling me. And at least my reaction has to say something to you, I said. That I care about him wholeheartedly. And we went on talking, and he, as usual, didn't fail to make me laugh. Well, at least I made you laugh...that means I'm on my way to win you over. I said he didn't even have to try.
I didn't see him today, though. My day consisted of running into Samuel (I fear he has a thing for me) and hanging out with him until I went to Mr PhD's office with Victor, to work.
I lent my camera to a classmate, so she could take pictures of a professor she was interviewing, for the Psychology Billboard. When she gave it back to me, she'd taken around 60 pictures, and the batteries were almost dead. What kind of upset me was how crappy the pictures were, all moved and out of focus. But you can tell she was having fun with my camera.
All right, my dad wants to use the computer, AND I have to go study for the social psychology midterm on friday.
But first, I'll send Joseph a message: you know what sucks about you? your absense. Aw, I love him.
EDIT: my parents are going out tomorrow morning, going to the beach for lunch with a relative (WTF?). Joseph just called me saying now it's legal for me to say that I LOVE YOU, although we ended up getting wrapped up in not-very-pretty memories of our relationship. Bottom line, I MUST GO to his house tomorrow morning...I'm scared that my parents will call while I'm out and such...but I'll do my best to sneak out.
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