Saturday, 06/18/05 - 11:15 pm.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIR PAUL McCARTNEY!!!
(yay!)
Today turned out to be an unexpected break from my lately-awfully-busy life. And it was amazing. The real story begins at two pm, when I left home, though I'd been a little nervous the whole morning, wondering if I'd pull it through.
I went to see Madagascar with Joseph, though I said to my parents I was going with Cel. I met Joseph's dad, who looks too young for his age and has a mexican accent (considering he's mexican). He told me to come in and go look for Joseph myself. Then his mom greeted me and said the same, come in, he's in his room. Because they're too lazy to call him themselves, and nice enough to greet me with arms wide open (how I wish my parents were half like that to him).
He was playing some game online, why did you come so late?. I was dragging a bad mood, I've been like that for a couple of days, and seeing he wasn't even ready upset me a bit more. In fact, lately I'd been wondering if I still had feelings for him, especially since I realized he suffers from the Peter Pan Syndrome, and I've thought that, if we ever formed a family, he'd be just another child to look after, and not a partner. Seeing him playing online didn't improve my thoughts on him.
I sat on his lap for a while, and he asked if we could stay home. I said no, I wanted to see the movie and I had something to do at five, namely attend a dancing performance -my friend Norman would be part of it- with my sister and nephew. So we finally got out of the house, and it wasn't until we fasten our seat belts that we leaned in and kissed.
It started to pour, and I couldn't see a damn thing. I was nervous, I'd never driven under a storm. But we made it safely to the mall, which was crowded. Fortunately, I found a spot to park.
However, we were five minutes late, and the next screening would be almost an hour later. I was very upset and dissapointed, but somehow accomplished, because that proved Joseph I was right, we were going to be late. He started to apologize indirectly, begging me not to get like that, and that he'd do anything to make up for it.
I calculated that I could get home at five even if we attended the 3:20 screening, so I told him to buy the tickets, whatever. I have no idea what my face looked like, but he seemed intimitated and yet touched by my reactions. I was also annoyed by the crowd. Like I said, the place was packed.
He kept talking, I don't even remember what he was saying, but suddenly he asked do you want to be my girlfriend?. That shook me, and my first reaction was "WHAT?!". Nobody had ever asked me that. No, not even him when we hooked up a year ago. It was just a lecture about how he didn't want to dissapoint me and shit, and then we made out and that was it. Same happened with 1 (minus the making out, because I wasn't even attracted to him).
He TOTALLY caught me off-guard. I was already used to this whole "friends with benefits", or "circumstantial couple" deal. I wasn't expecting it at all, let alone there, surrounded by dozens of by-passers. I honestly felt like he was proposing, because he said it so seriously. So seriously it scared me.
My answer? I have no idea what I answered. I didn't know what to say. I figured I had to say yes, I think I kind of did, but I've come to the point in which I'm comfortable being single again, even if I still have feelings for him. I actually wanted to say no. I do love him, but I'm not in the mood to be nursing a relationship right now. I still have some issues to resolve regarding Joseph. Just yesterday I was having fights with him in my mind, over things that happened a long time ago while we were dating.
I'll have to ask him what I said. Bottom line, though is that while the movie started, we went for coffee. Then we finally got to see the movie. Oh, man, it was hilarious (WHO THINKS OF THIS STUFF?!?! I WANT TO DO THAT). I have to see it again, we were laughing so hard. But I had to hush him a few times at the beggining, he kept swearing and a boy was sitting next to him. We kissed and held hands and stuff, but we did see it. It's very see-able, you don't want to miss any facial expression from the characters.
It was late when it finished, past five o'clock. I'd thought of going to the 2:40 screening because then we could go back to his place and cuddle (or something) for a while until five. But since it was so late, I just dropped him off. It was very silly, like in those silly movies. "I had fun". "Me too". Kiss, kiss. And I drove away.
Of course, when everything's over, I regret not being crazier around him, not kissing him more, and being in a rush, and having the paranoia of getting caught. But yeah, it was great. However, let me repeat, I'm not sure if I'm his girlfriend again.
I came home, and no one was here. And fuck, I'd forgotten my keys. It was 5:15, and I wondered why my sister wasn't home waiting for me, so we could attend Norman's performance. I called her from the garage. She'd completely forgotten about it. She said she'd come right over to pick me up.
In the meantime, I removed two glasses from the window, trying to reach the keys. But they weren't hanging from the doorknob, they were on the couch. Like ten minutes later, I thought I'd reach them with the two glasses, and that took me five minutes. Frog just kept staring at me, I should really teach her to open the door. Anyway, eventually I reached the keys and got into the house. I love myself sometimes.
Ok, long story short, my brother came from running when I was already in, and then my sister and nephew picked me up. We got to the auditorium (in my university) right on time. I told my sister how hard it is for me to go out, because my parents ask me where and with whom I'm going, when they doesn't ask those questions to my brothers. It's a gender thing, I say.
She's very supportive, and I love her for that. They'll never stop asking. They still ask ME, and I'm 35. Just say you're going out with the gang. My brother and sister are nothing like my parents. They don't ask questions and encourage me to go out more.
Norman rocked the house. He was only in one performance, but at the end of the show he got an award, and was also selected to be part of a national dancing group, to reprent the country abroad. He's so talented.
Afterwards, my sister, nephew and I went for pizza, and then they drove me home, right on time for sex & the city. I'd thought I could work some after coming home, but I might as well take this whole day off, finishing it reading Men's Health.
Joseph says I shouldn't plan anything and just be spontaneous. Our get-away turned out lovely, after all, and it wasn't like I hadn't planned. While I was driving under the rain he said we should've stayed in his house. Making love under this weather, how can it get any more fucking romantic?. We got to have a cup of coffee, and that's when I finally saw him like a grown-up. It had nothing to do with our conversation, he just didn't look so childish to me anymore.
I still can't get over his question, though. It was so scary, it sounded so much like a "will you marry me?".
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