Saturday, 07/16/05 - 5:35 pm.
My plans for the day were ruined in every way...but I guess it's better than having just one part of it ruined, it'd be more frustrating that way.
I was surprised by Fantastic 4, last night, although it was a drag at times. Superheroes spent their time looking out for themselves and not really looking after other people. Which makes sense, I guess. But that's not the point. I was kind of falling asleep in some parts, but over all, it was good. And the best, best, best thing ever was the mochaccino my sister and I bought.
As usual, though, my niece ended up ruining everything. I have no idea why she was so upset when we came back home, but she started answering very rudely. Then she got even more pissed when we told her her brother was sleeping in the bed, in the computer room, and she'd be sleeping in a matress, in my bedroom. Pissed, pissed, pissed. It's not even a big deal! I really wanted to beat her shitty arrogance out of her.
She was still pissed in the morning, but for other reason. Which I am not aware of, and I believe nobody else was. It was a relief seeing her leave, along with my parents. The house was a mess in the morning, everyone rushing for the trip, but I was in the middle of the house, drawing, listening to music. They're gone to the beach and will be back tomorrow afternoon, so I consider myself free.
My plans consisted on visiting Joseph this afternoon. First, my sister says she needed my (second) nephew to be looked after. Second, my brother would be out all afternoon, and would be taking the car. The first was solved, the kid went off with his dad and will be dropped off tomorrow morning. As for the second, it's pretty much the core of my spoiled plans.
Or not. See, I'd called Joseph in the morning. His mother answered and told me he'd left very early, and he'd be back at night. He was at some convention, seminary, whatever. I got pissed. I couldn't have made it, anyway, since I had no car. But I was pissed. He could've told me.
So, if you want to know, or don't, my day's been pretty pathetic. I've been locked in all day, and I'm going to cry about it anytime soon. The one time my parents leave for the weekend and I'm COMPLETELY free, and I have nowhere to go, no mean of transportation, and no one to go with (if Joseph were free, we could've at least gone to the mall, walking). So I'm still choking. I'm still trapped.
Joseph called me in the afternoon, and asked me not to say a word about how we could've spent the afternoon together and all that. Well, I'm glad at least he realizes it and feels stupid about it. I seriously hate him for not telling me he was going to be busy today. I am so shoving this in his goddamned face when I see him.
I already told my brother I'm taking the car tomorrow morning. I'll be out all day tomorrow, I'll spend the morning with Joseph and I'll go to the mall to buy my friend Nicole a present. She's from Florida but came here with her church (or school?) and she's leaving on monday. I'll be going out with her in the afternoon, if all goes well.
I've been sobbing for a while, and that's probably the only real good thing of the day: I can sob loudly. Of course it's great that my parents left and they took the Bitch Princess with them (my nephew went, too, but he's a lot nicer, for longer). But it's priceless that I can finally turn up the volume of my crying. And I'm crying, long story short, over how I've spent, or wasted, my life so far trapped in this house.
I seriously wish someone from my family heard this. I seriously wish I could get help, real help, professional help. At least an appointment with a therapist would allow me to leave the house more often. NO, MOTHER, LEAVING TO GO TO CLASS DOES NOT COUNT.
I'm so tired of this cage. Sometimes it seems like it doesn't even have a door.
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