Tuesday, 07/23/02 - 6:12 pm.
Veronica called me and you wouldn't know how surprised I was. The first thing she asks is if I'm mad at her. I know her, and I know she was about to cry. I explained to her that I thought she was the one mad at me. Long story short, we're friends again. And I know I've said a lot of bad things about her, but the truth is I love her, or else I wouldn't have been affected by all that crap (her ignoring me and such). Probably we won't be the oh-so-together-best-friends but to know she still considers me a friend and is not mad about anything...I feel very relieved and happy.
You see, I thought she was mad because I've started to hang out with people she's not friends with (almost enemies). Since 8th grade, my big problem with her has been that she replaces people. She'd ignore me (she still does sometimes) and would keep things from me and would leave me alone...things like that, coming from your best friend, break your heart deeply, beyond repair. Anyway...I love her. I do. I know she's not perfect, but all the bad stuff I said about her was partly influenced because I couldn't understand what was going on with her. But she's very sweet. Probably we'll hug tomorrow and we'll get back to the routine of speaking to each other, which I consider a good thing indeed. I'm still hurt by all the things she's put me through (I'm talking mostly about 8th grade but also from then to now) but...I don't want to think about that. I'm kind of over that. I'm glad she still loves me, because I still love her too. I have my friend back.
Here's a happy ending *tear in left eye*. So there.
I was in a good mood today. An ok mood. I'd lost my science books since last thursday and I asked Vic if he had it, he said he didn't. This morning, he approached and hugged me and said: Tyler! I found your book! It was in my other backpack! (well, duh). Damn! I'm so grateful I could sleep with you tonight!. He cracked up.
We went to the theater at around 9:30 am. We rode on two buses. One for classrooms A and B and the other for classrooms C and yours truly's very own D. Betty sat next to me, and my obese girl and Sophie sat in front of us. It was a nice trip, because I'm unique and I make them laugh and they love me for that *tear in right eye*. At the theater, I sat between Art and Cel (I sat between them because they're not allowed to be together...otherwise, of course I'd have let them sit together). The play was very strange, but the photography rocked the house.
Sometimes I'd feel Art's arm slipping behind my neck....to touch Cel's shoulder, and viceversa. Well, sometimes it was to hold me and to make me lean my head on his shoulder. See, I'm like their child. They'd hold hands on my lap and shit and they were constantly touching their hands behind my back. I had both shoulders to lean on and they had mine to lean on and I almost fall asleep. Vic fell asleep during the play.
The guy...you remember the guy, right? He called me and I thought we were going to have a deep conversation about philosophy because he mentioned how sometimes he'd love to get back in time to a specific time and remain there just for a little while. He misses our "phone sex" (which as you know, is not such thing, since I never played along). He said it in a very sutile way but that's it. I was scared, I thought he was going to ask me again to be his girlfriend, because he sounded....weird, and nostalgical. You don't love me anymore, he said. You don't call anymore. You know how I hate phones. But I really should call him often. Friendship, you know. Not because of hormones. And I'm still scared after his call, because I....I feel funny again. I know it'll be just for a while but after all this time, I still wish I could make him happy (without having to have sex with him or something).
Speaking of funny, Denv and I were together for a fairly large amount of time today. When I walked in the theater, he was there already, sitting next to a girl. The same old girl (just for the record, I love that girl, she's very nice). I kind of got upset...but you don't need to get jealous now, do you? aren't you over him?, the voices asked. When the play was over, he saw me and waited for me. Then he just started caressing my neck, purring. He does it often when I caress his. I love it when he does that, he sounds like a cute cub.
I stayed in the afternoon for social service. He has afternoon classes today. I sat alone (how rare) to have lunch with myself. A few feet away, I could hear Karla and her...6 "bodyguards" (Carmen, Fo, Norm, Phil, Roberto and Denv), chatting and laughing. They all walked me by and I just stared at them. I'm kind of upset when I see them together. Maybe it's because I feel they're like an elite, or maybe because deep inside I wish I had what they have. A boy strangely sat next to me and we talked about them and other stuff. His name is Guillermo, and we barely know each other, but we talked for a while. It was nice. Then I saw Denv came back alone. He sat next to me first and then laid down on the floor. We were together for maybe half an hour.
I haven't been able to sleep since friday. There are two beds in my bedroom and I can't sleep in neither, he said. Of course you can't. You miss *my* bed, I smiled. No, I mostly miss who's in it. Then we talked about stuffed toys, I punched his ribs, I laughed at him, he tried to bite my knee...it was pretty cool. I love being with him. There is something that doesn't let me sleep...or someone. I don't know why, but I looked into his eye (he was covering the other with his arm) and he looked back at me, and we stayed that way for a few seconds. I really don't know why. Maybe I was just asking him with my eyes (in the inside, I was wondering...). After several seconds, he just blinked. The egocentric part of me says that I might be involved in his loss of sleep, but the rest of me just knows that it can't be, because it just does not make sense. When we get together it does, but usually it seems I don't exist for him, and he easily walks away from me without even saying good-bye.
I think I'll call back the guy (he asked me to) and go check on Renan. He's sick. He just had a major headache and even cried. I hope to God he'll learn to stand the pain. He's a very fragile, vulnerable kid.
I guess that's it for today. Tomorrow I'll go see Lilo & Stitch. I have to, because Denv and I are compiting to see it first. Tomorrow is also the Creative for Life contest. Art and Cel are participating, and so is the guy. It shall be very ass-kicker.
You play against yourself because that's the only way you can win...and even sometimes it's a tie.
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