They're gone. Again.
Tuesday, 08/08/06 - 10:00 pm.

Yesterday I got really, really sad. The kids left this morning. I was also hurt, because my niece chose going off with her friends instead of coming to my house and spend some time with us for the last time. It's just that age...right? Although I guess it'll always be that age with her, from now on.

Anyway, at least my nephew was here. My little nephew and I were with him most of the afternoon, and we went out so he could buy some gifts. Meanwhile, I had this awful sense of loss. Because when I stop seeing the kids, it's not just that I lose them a bit more, but also I lose what they stand for: a change in my daily life, to put it simply.

I realized that clearly when I got an e-mail from the lady of the child abuse project. There was a meeting this morning. Proof that my vacation was over. I couldn't go to the airport to drop off the kids, but I guess in the end that was a good thing. I hate goodbyes, they don't get easier in time, as I originally thought. It's always very painful. The kids were crying this time.

They're home now, I chatted with both online for a while, and with my nephew on the phone. My niece already went off with her friends. Last night I saw the friends she made here. All boys over 15 years old. It scared me a little, there were like 10 waiting for her at the park to "say goodbye". Yeah, she did, and she told me it was sad saying goodbye. I'm mixed on this whole subject. And I know things will get out of my brother's hands, and his wife's hands. She violently freaks out when someone sets limits for her....right, like you are 21 years old. But let's drop this matter, ok?

Work was ok, except my period arrived in the middle of the morning, and I was silently suffering. But things got better when I went to Joseph's house by noon. We watched a few episodes of My Name is Earl, and we ate, and we cuddled, and he made me feel great, as he usually does. I discovered he looks good in white, and I'm seriously in love with him more and more everyday. I want to see him right now. And I mean RIGHT NOW!!!

He brightened my day. In the morning I was very, very rude to my dad, the kids were leaving (I'd said goodbye to them last night), and I was reluctant to go back to routine, especially seeing that lady of the NEVERENDING child abuse project. I cried in bed when my dad left for the airport, and all I was able to say to him was "ok, sorry" for what I'd done. Which wasn't enough, I believed, but he let it slip, and everything cooled down. Still, it was very shitty of me.

This would've been a better entry had I written it yesterday, when I was overwhelmingly emotional. I'm ok now, though, getting over the fact that time moves on. That is quite obvious, but these last weeks (the last one, especially) I'd conveniently forgotten that.

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