Sunday, 10/01/06 - 11:23 pm.
Joseph is the best. He went to Guatemala for the weekend, on a bussiness trip. He called me on friday and on saturday, on breaks he got. He called me today when he came back. He bought me a harmonica, which is an incredible detail, because somehow he's noticed I like those. He tried to play it over the phone, and...I'll just say he makes me laugh.
Yesterday it was my dad's 70th birthday, and my mom, sister and I organized some family get-together. One of my uncle's family, on my mom's side, is so cute. They're strongly held together; my uncle died some time ago, and it seems that brought them all closer. I've seen them a couple of times this year, whereas I hadn't seen them in years (except for my famous twin cousins in the newspapers here and there). I've seen my cousin's baby grow up, and he already walks. I'm always jealous of seeing my twin cousins, because I always wanted a twin myself. One of the twins is married and has a boy and a girl. He's a model, and it seems his passed some of his essence to his kids.
I'm horrified at the possibility of being pregnant someday, but also, I want to have Joseph's babies (same went for Steven Tyler, but you know, I never stood a chance). This morning I was thinking I'd like twins. But I also need to have a baby boy, so I can name him Jesus; and him, Joseph and I will make the divine trio. That'd be quite curious.
But since I can't have a baby just yet, I was thinking of getting a cat. Another cousin at the get-together (FYI, I have a large family...between my parents, I have eleven uncles and aunts, and each of them married and had two, three or four children...I have four siblings myself) offered me one. He has 12 cats at his house, because they keep reproducing. I loved going to his house when I was a child, to play with him and his brother and sister. They were the only cousins around my age, and we'd make "movies" with our toys, and read each other's comics. Oh, the memories.
Ok, the cat! It's two weeks olds, and completely white. But I can't have it. I'd ruin Frog's life, and I have a stupid parrot that never dies, I've had him since I was FIVE YEARS OLD...proof that he is having a good life, because he doesn't live in a cage. I can't stand seeing caged animals, so at least my animals won't go through that. Also, I'm leaving for Houston for two months in december (!), and I'd miss it growing up, and we'd break affective links, and my mom doesn't want it, etc.
I offered it to Joseph, but he can't have it because his mom is a chef. Enough said. But maybe if I ask her...I don't know.
Some lady asked for Joseph at the get-together. She's married to the italian mister, the Godfather, father of my brother's ex-girlfriend. I heard you have a boyfriend, she said. In other times, I'd have gotten upset and embarrassed, because nobody else but my mom knows it (dad knows, but he's in denial)...I was actually glad. She's talked about him to other people! Maybe we can meet him someday, she finished. I explained that I wanted to bring him to the get-together, but he was out of town. I was glad, because after all, that's the reaction I'd have loved to get from my own parents.
This is the good side of the entry.
On the sad side, there's the phone call from my nephew in Houston today. He was depressed. He'd had an "attack", but this time, he was able to hold it in and refrain from exploding at his mom. I see two things here: one, he's very conscious about this "thing" that creeps over him; two, he trusted us enough to tell us.
I feel like I'm getting stabbed, knowing he feels like this. I remember feeling sad years ago, but that doesn't even begin to cover what he's going through. He'd been doing well since he was here for the summer. We thought everything was getting better, but today he says he's had an anger attack and is feeling "a little depressed".
We spoke on the phone, I wasn't sure about what to say. I was trying to avoid cliches, but that left me with little to say. I remember what some guy at the psych lab told me, he's a volunteer at the clinic and told me he asks his patients what's the thing they used to do when they were little, that made them feel good. But my nephew says he just wants to be here, with his family.
So this is what's making me sad. I could only tell him we'd be there in december. I'm thinking of writing him an e-mail, a short one. I don't know if he could use some support, or if he'd just rather be alone and not talk about it.
EDIT: I think I'm picking up my relationship with Joe, we'd been talking online lately. Tonight I said "dream if rubber duckies", he said "and you dream of me...I mean, Brad Pitt". Goddammit. You'd think he'd be over me by now...I was hoping he had. But after all, I THOUGHT I was over him, too. More some other day.
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