Thursday, 10/12/06 - 10:07 pm.
I have different priorities right now, hence the unusual gaps between my entries. Evaluations come and go, I'm never done with them. I'm tired, but eager to do something with everything I've learned. Not that it's easy, though.
Today's been a day of all sorts. I was supposed to go to work (volunteering), but I was told to go tomorrow. Michelle asked me to drive her someplace. She was sexually harrassed twice while waiting for me. I saw a schoolgirl hiding from a bunch of workmen coming down a street (I didn't react on time, and I was stuck in traffic, or else I'd have given her a ride). A bus nearly hit me when it invaded my lane, then slowed down in front of me and the driver made me signals with his hand. He could've stopped and shoot me, but it was a crowded boulevard (what stopped him was the possibility of getting hit, not the dozens of witnesses, they're no use, really).
Just less than an hour ago, I'd been with Joseph, and he'd asked me what I didn't like about this country. Oddly enough, the experiences I mentioned above were my answer.
He asked me so, because I was talking about moving to the United States, to continue studying (he asked what'd make me leave this country, and what would make me stay). It's a clich� solution, considering my geographical position, but honestly, I'd never thought about it. Last night, my brother from Houston was telling my dad that he was planning on taking me to some universities when I go there in december, to start looking for a master's degree in psychology. I'd never thought of going to the States to study. I'd thought South America, Europe...avoiding the clich�, I guess, and looking for places where my mother language is spoken. But nearly half of my family is in the States. Next year, I'll have two brothers in Houston, working in the most important hospitals of the area.
And this conversation about the States comes up because my 3rd brother, the one who lives here, declined the scholarship, merely a week before jumping on the plane.
Because it was not a scholarship! As I explained in earlier entries, it's a loan; and that, he was not informed of, until a few days ago. He goes to get his PhD, and when he comes back, he pays back the university, working for it for double the time he spent abroad, AND has to pay $30,000 as well. After hearing the terms, it's just slavery.
He sent an e-mail to the entire family, informing us of the decision. He's got our entire support, of course. I know he wanted this so bad, to escape from here for a while, but he says he's at peace with his decision. And I believe it was the right thing to do. He still has many choices. He's even thinking of leaving the university.
And this is my entry. I think my subconscious has been punishing me for not writing, because last night I couldn't sleep...I wouldn't stop talking. I was imagining this or that situation, and I couldn't stop. It took me a long time to shut the voices. Hopefully this entry will keep me quiet tonight.
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