Thursday, 01/11/07 - 8:58 pm.
I've been reading this book, Reviving Ophelia, Saving The Selves of Adolescent Girls. For no reason, really, I found it in the house. I needed something to read, that related to my career, while I bought my own books. And by the way, I have no intention of applying whatever it says on my niece, who happens to be an adolescent.
I could easily throw away the book and simply stare at my niece's throwing tantrums and doing a long etcetera. I really enjoyed a few of the comments about the effect that culture and the mass media have on girls; something I already knew, but never really put into words.
I'm sure what's portrayed in the book isn't a generalization, but it's certainly portrayed my niece perfectly. So I try to be more open to her stinky behaviors, and understand her, and all. But tonight she walked in from class, and didn't say hello. My parents, brother and I were in the room. She passed by as you would in an empty room, and whistled at the dog. I am aware I have strong issues with being ignored by people I care about, but I'm wondering if anyone else in the room, aside from The Queen herself, felt uncomfortable with this.
So, no, I can't be empathetic with her. Not when she walks over everybody like she does on a daily basis, depending on her mood. I try to be, I do. It works sometimes. And I think the poor girl is confused and wants to fit in, and attract boys, and has a hectic schedule that leaves her drained. Right. None of that is my fault, so don't take your fucking strees out on me. Then I say to myself I shouldn't take it personally. I go through an endless cycle of reasoning, from a complete understanding to wanting to tackle down and yell "smack some sense into yourself!". It seems to me that most of the suffering, with the exception of real trauma, comes more from the interpretation of the events, rather than the events themselves (hence why I try not to take her shitty attitudes personally...but see, it's hard).
Argh, enough of this for now. On a different note, I dreamed of D. It was nice, because he was trying to come back into my life, romantically. I say it was nice because I was in love with him...I experimented the feelings I had for him. But yes, it was just a dream. I feel nothing for him: not love, not anger, not even pity. So let's move on.
I didn't go swimming today, perhaps I won't tomorrow, and hardly over the weekend; there's always a lot to do on saturday and sunday. My parents leave for home on saturday afternoon (my niece wanted to go skating tomorrow night with her friends, and instead she'll have to spend that time with her family...won't it be delightful having around her tomorrow night). Speaking of home, my brother #3 informed me that Frog is sick again. I'm very concerned, a relapse at her age, 10, worries me so much. I'd dropped my christian resignation about losing her, but if her sickness continues, I'll have to start over.
I kind of like crying right now. But I'm fine, and hopefully I can get something good out of this sudden feeling. Have a nice evening, all y'all.
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