Friday, 02/09/07 - 5:26 pm.
Downstairs, right now, there's a huge argument between my nephew and niece, which could evolve into a fight (she already threw something). She made her mother upset by breaking a promise she'd made, and she was being her usual insufferable self, telling people to shut up and stuff. You know, same old, same old. This house is indeed upsetting at times, but the funny part is, remove my niece and, my nephew on ocassion, and it'd be at least 75% better.
But moving onto lighter topics...well, that's pretty much the only topic that drove me to write this entry. I can take some distance and say "it's not my battle", but I do feel sorry for everyone surrounding her, especially my brother and his wife. I give my niece credit for being nice to me, but she isn't to anyone else in her inmediate family. She has a sickening point of view of her own life and a very primitive way to deal with conflict. No wonder she says she's "miserable".
Ack, ok. Actually, I had another topic. I dreamt of Melvin last night, you know it happens every here and there, and then I'm left daydreaming about "what-if's" of him and me for the rest of the day. Not this time. Since I woke up, I knew it was just a pretty dream of slowly holding hands. Aaaawww. Bullshit. I'm done with the whole romantic fantasizing of him *throws confetti*. We had good times, and that's about it.
You know that feeling, you look at your classmates from high school, and it seems they're successful and you're not? It didn't happen to me, per se, but for a moment I felt that way. I checked my friendlist on some profile site where I have mine, sort of like MySpace. Cel has long hair now, and she's still abroad getting a lit major. And D...I look at him now and ask "self, how could you fall for this guy", and laugh at him. I'm not sure why. And...well, off the top of my head, that's it. Ok, not a lot to look at, in the big scheme of the universe.
But I still felt...I don't know. Like I could sit with some of them, any of them, and I'd have nothing to tell. I never did, actually. But I mean, it'd be nice to have stories to tell, but I don't have any.
Which brings me to what's probably causing me this sense of failure: I'd promised myself I'd come back from Houston with a story, a new book. My problem is, whenever I come up with an idea, a story, and I dare to sit and write it down, I'm dry after four lines, and the story dies. Sometimes I can stretch it in my mind, but when it comes to record it in any form, it just dies after a few lines. No, no, it doesn't even die; it just ends. I can't go far.
And last, and least, I didn't go to Baylor on wednesday, as I said I would. My brother couldn't take me. But I'm thinking of waiting until getting back home to start searching for scholarships. I kind of want to go home already; sure, this is my family, too, but it's not quite the same. I'm taking a plane back home until the 27th. Well, aside from dealing with these two unbereable kids, I'm ok here. I just wish I could take my family (pets included) with me, wherever I'll go during my lifetime.
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