A scratch for my ego.
Friday, 05/25/07 - 10:30 pm.

I'd never been this ashamed. So deeply ashamed that it hurt so much that I cried for a while.

I scratched someone's car with mine, while I was leaving the public school I go to every friday (evaluating a boy for a subject). I was leaving the parking lot when the watchers told me to get back. I believe that's what's embarrassing the most: it seemed like I was getting away from it, then they stand in front of my car, make me go back, and close the doors.

In the car, there were also Sulley, Irene and Victor, I was giving them a ride back to campus. They got out of the car to support me, which I really appreciatte. I called my dad, and one thing I was sure of is that he'd have no scolding for me. He pretty much laughed it off once I told him no one was hurt (just a scratch, on a little one on the lady's car). And then just told me to give the lady his phone number, so they could work things out. Bless my dad's heart for that. Even when I came back home, he looked at it and didn't mind, he says it happens.

In perspective, it was nothing. We drove back to university, and my friends were "whatever, no big deal". I wasn't until I left the place that I started to shake slightly, feeling incredibly dumb for what had just happened. And it's not a matter of damage, it was very little...I don't even mind having my car all scratched (it has many, from when I couldn't drive it into the garage). But on the outside, I was shrugging it off.

Back in campus, I went to get my paycheck. I was hoping to turn into cash so I could come home and give my dad the money, because no way I'll let him pay for the incident. But when I got to the bank, it was closed. They were closing, actually. Two minutes earlier, I could've made it.

I was holding back tears the whole time in the university. The ones who knew what happened, the ones who were there, saw me very calm. The rest, didn't know. This was one thing I wanted to share with someone, but I was too ashamed to feel comfortable telling it. I even saw my brother #3 (the professor), but just waved at him. I did tell his wife, I got a chance to talk to her.

Other minimal unpleasant things happened during the day, including that I applied a test that I wasn't supposed to apply today to the boy at the public school, and I'm not getting good grades in my practice because I never take enough toys to play with him. Victoria's my partner but she didn't go today...she's gone with her church for the weekend. It sort of upset me, that she left me alone on this, but...well, religion, you know how it is.

Here's a good note: today I found a guy that used to ride the school bus with me. He was with Irene when I saw him, and he screamed my name and waved at me happily. Who the fuck are you?, I kept wondering, while he spoke. Then it hit me...of course I didn't recognize him, he was just a 7th grader when I was in senior high and we were riding the same bus. I was able to take his face in my mind and shrink it, put some baby fat in it...and there was the kid with the Donkey Kong face.

Now he's taller than me, his face has stretched, and his voice has changed drastically. Some memories came to me. We said goodbye with a hug. It was really strange seeing him. Strange, but nice. Someone I met a long time ago, in a different package.

*Sigh* I think I feel a little better by now. The lady didn't call tonight, even though I gave her my cell phone, my dad's cell phone and my house numbers. Part of me is thinking "well, maybe she thinks it's not a big deal". But I doubt it. Anyway, she's not my main concern. She wasn't rude at all. It's the watchmen with whom I feel the most embarrassed. Tough luck, I'll be seeing them at least one day per week until december.

I asked Irene what I should do: keep taking the car to the school, enduring the shame of the incident and possible comments, even rejection, from the watchmen (you should've seen the way they looked the other way -pretended to ignored me- when I worked things out with the lady. That, or go by bus, as the majority does (I'm just too paranoid and I lack experience) and show myself in a humble way. Irene said you just get over it in a tone that meant "meh, what do THEY matter?". She is very supportive.

Today in particular, I can say that the social network is everything.

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