My grades don't change but I might.
Friday, 07/06/07 - 9:59 pm.

Me: on the surface, it upsets me that this is my life. Not in a pathetic sense; I mean I'm dedicated to this full-time, and I feel my effort can't be seen in the results.
S: my friend, you're so full of guilt!!!!!!
Me: why's that?
S: you're telling me that you practically have no right to make mistakes, and since you're commited to this full time, then you should never get a bad grade.

Yeah, guilt. Below everything, that's it. I feel a little better today, but I had another final this evening and I bombed it. I could take the excuse that I didn't start to study for it until last night. Which is true! Plus, the exam was so different from what we're used from Mr. Basket, and that disoriented me. Usually he asks us to elaborate and apply theory to reality, and this time was so mechanic...what's the addictive substance that causes the most tolerance? He's never been so punctual. I wasn't prepared for that.

I still carry the weight of my low numbers, but talking to S has given me new insights and more important, new sentiments (in therapy feelings are more important that thoughts...it's the emotional insight what heals you).

By the way, my feelings for him have turned into those for a big brother. We still get along really, really well, and I value his friendship so much. He listens to me and makes me think and re-think, and laugh. He's truly a friend.

And I must go study for the final final on monday. I lost my battle of the day today, yes; regardless, I will not give up.

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