Monday, 10/01/07 - 9:08 pm.
Damn! I made a huge mistake, by thinking this week I had the third laboratory with my pupils from Psychology of the Learning Process (that's probably not the real translation, but I'm not sure how it'd go). I'd told a few of them so, and this afternoon I only received ONE person. I was upset, and I ran to W., to tell him no one had shown up.
Of course, an hour later, I was back at his office, looking down at the floor, telling him I had mixed up the dates, and the labs are next week. He just laughed out loud. No real harm was done, at least, but I know there must be some confussion so I shall go and clear things up tomorrow in class. I expect some mercy from the pupils, they've been nice to me so far, and I know no one is mad, really. I also have a scolding under my sleeve, to some of them. That'll get my power [and confidence] back.
I have the second part of my Clinical Practice midterm tomorrow. I'm less than thrilled. But today I had my adult patient, and it's so, so nice. I don't think I did a bad job, but I'm not very good, either [YET...hopefully just "yet"]. She cried, which is good. I mean, it's sad, because of her situation, but it also means she feels confident enough with me to do it.
I have an endless list of tasks to get done. I heard this semester was lighter than the previous...bullshit! Fucking bullshit, I'm neck-deep, and new tasks keep showing up everyday. I wanted to see Joseph today, but we couldn't work something out, and he told me that I should study. I thank him for that.
I don't think I mentioned our last encounter. Things get better and better, so far, we're at our peak. He came with me to the university, and we had dinner. We talk on the car, he helps me carry some stuff. And it seems I'm overcoming my sex phobia, and our bedtime (that does not include sleeping) is fantastic, to my own surprise. I don't want to leave his side, and I think it's time we take another step and live together.
BUT...I've discovered he's afraid of commitment. I hate to find a stereotype in him. You see, he wants to marry me and all, but he doesn't seem that willing to get serious on it. As in, realizing that there's much more to it than the romantic side. Sure, I'd like to live with him, but all the practical stuff, like doing chores and handling money...I don't see him prepared for that. The latter, especially. To be fair, I don't feel entirely ready to run a house myself, either. But when I bring up the topic of "how are we gonna reach all those plans we have for us", because I'd like to start figuring out the house managing, he shuts down and even gets upset. He's broke at the moment, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. He's never saved money in his life, and boy is that a problem for me.