Friday, 8/7//02 - 2:07 pm.
Oh, man...sometimes things just work out so fuckin' good on their own.
Today...I saw Denv before he left for his "refelction morning". I got to give him the piece of wood I brought from mine, and just spent a few minutes together before he left.
Basically, it was a better day than I expected. I thought I'd get desperate during recesses. I did miss him but it wasn't that bad. The first and third ones were to socialize and the second one was to have a snack with Adri (we bought all kinds of junk food and watched the soccer game).
But who definitely made my day was Vic. He was kind of down, because -he says- since they got back from Honduras, his life has gone downhill. I tried my best to cheer him up and it seemed to work, because later on, he looked high.
Damn, I love you! If I wasn't dating Itzel (his girlfriend, duh), I'd date you!. That kind of shocked me, but it's really nothing to worry about. I suppose he said it because I often tender his heart. According to him, I'm a cutie. Your face is beautiful...you look like a doll! (yeah, right). Today I heard one too many affectionate adjectives from him, but I'm guessing that's because today he was very emotional and I was very *cute*.
Vic and Art seemed to be having their period. They were having mood swings, like girls. Art had a little argument with Cel. Vic was affected by his "shitty life". I guess they were also affected by their girlfriends' absence...Cel is in room C and Vic's girl is in room B, those rooms were having the morning activity today. It was kind of hard, because at a certain point, they wound up releasing all their frustration on each other.
Vic gave me a piece of skin he ripped off. He bites his nails and his fingers are just fucked up. His finger started to bleed, and he stained my notebook with his blood. Don't ever throw away this notebook, or at least this page. I wasn't planning on it. I said: Hey....we should mix our blood, and he replied: fuck, yeah! Just tell me when, beautiful. On monday.
We were talking about clits and blowjobs. Our conversations about sex are not morbid at all. I'm sure he knows much more about the inside of a woman than me, so it's all in fact very didactic. He explains me a lot of things in a natural way. Oh, the voice of wisdom...
Have you ever insulted life for something and then it turns it out it was for your own damn good? Hi, it happened to me last night.
Wait...isn't he wonderful?
Anyway...yesterday I was dying to talk to Denv. I was still regretful about my lack of sensibility and I was wondering if he was feeling bad about it.
I borrow the computer to my father because he wants to work on some shit. Yeah, he's not online right now, so it's ok, use it. But time passes by. And I start getting desperate. 8:00, 8:30, 9:00...I start insulting my father (in my mind), I couldn't stand it watching him on *my* computer (hey, it's my 15th birthday present anyway...I ASKED FOR IT, IT'S MINE!!!! GET OFF OF IT!!!!). At 9:05 he says he'll take a break. Thank you, God......but it's 9:25 and he just doesn't get off!!!! I'm pulling my hair, dying to talk to him, even crying...tears of anger and desperation.
Then, only then, I really understood what people mean by going crazy over somebody. Honestly. I really never got the "you drive me crazy" line. But it's true, I was crazy, mad...kicking, cursing, afraid he's online but will go offline anytime soon before I sign in.
Finally, at 9:30 dad gets off. I take over the damn computer. I sign in and some people are on, including him. I sent him a message and he doesn't say reply. After a few minutes, he goes offline. But I figured maybe it wasn't him online. It's happened a few times, someone else signs in with his ID.
I was truly disappointed. I wanted to talk to him. But I talked to my friends Head, Mikey and Cel...it was 10:30 and I was going to start saying good bye when he (his ID) signs on. Hell, why not? Let's give it a shot... I send him a message. And it's him. And we start talking crap about our day. It's funny...most of times, when he and I are talking, no one else is online (at least a common friend). And it happened again. My friends, one by one, started to sign off and he was my only contact online.
We talked for maybe half hour. I told him I'd got him a piece of wood and he replied: aww, you're so sweet. Other than that, nothing "romantic" was said. Just a casual conversation, until out of nothing he says...
I missed you today.
Quoth the voices: Wait, wait, scroll back up....did he just say *he missed you*? He missed you!!!! He thought of you during the day while you were away!!! "I missed you", do you get the meaning? Do you, bitch? He's in your fuckin' hand!.
I couldn't believe it. I grinned and I felt...I don't know. That weird feeling of your heart swelling and catching on fire. So fuckin' happy. If my dad hadn't worked on the computer, I'd have waited since 7:00 pm and I'd have gotten tired of waiting and lost hope at 9:30. I wouldn't have talked to him.
We logged off and I saw myself in the mirror. I couldn't believe I was staring at the same person I'd stared at a few hours ago. That person was mad, with tears of anger, with the hair all messy and ugly. This one...looked so happy, beautiful...It's like I was neither of them...I was a third person, looking two sides of life. Hi, I'm another voice in my head.
I fell asleep quickly. And when I got up, I had the feeling I'd slept for ages, I'd slept deeply. But I was still assimilating what he had said.
So today when we talked in the morning, he was very friendly, but nothing beyond the way a friend would treat you. It kind of brought me down. No, well...not really. It was somewhat annoying but something you could live with.
It was funny. It was very funny the way things worked out last night.
Only three more days for this shitty week to finish. Fidel agreed with me, this is a strange week and it's indeed shitty. I have to make it through, though. Monday morning, monday morning at 8:30 and everything shitty that started on wednesday will have finished.
prev / next