That'd be the single most stupid thing I could possibly do.
Thursday, 10/18/07 - 10:39 pm.

I don't have much time at the moment (is that strange, anymore?), but the past days have been eventful. I'll break it all down:

1. I've been chasing after W. like crazy, so he could give me some feedback on the content I'm teaching to his Psychology of Learning students. But this tends to happen: at the beggining of the semester, everyone will complain about him in every possible way, but as time passes, they are drawn to him and end up in his office telling him their lives. I know, I've had the same desire, too. But at least I'm his instructor and I'm still closer to him than anyone else. So ha.

2. The Guy (!!!) contacted me a few days ago. I said what the hell, I'll add him. He started calling me "my love" and saying that he was in love with me, and how he regreted the way he treated me in junior high, that he really wanted to be my boyfriend back then but didn't know what to do, and to please forgive him for treating me badly.

I thought yeah, ok, how nice of you. It was a strange experience, you did hurt me, but there are no hard feelings by now. So and so. But then he goes on saying he's in love me and wishes he'd done things differently, and started to be his horny self, about how he wanted to make love to me and...yuck.

Of course, I made pretty clear that I was with someone else. It was a very, VERY interesting conversation, and I even saved it to post it on here. But by now I think it's not worth my time. Anyway, he ended up asking me if I'd like to hear him masturbate, etc. Again, yuck. I said: are you sure you were in love with me? Sounds more like you noticed I was lonely and vulnerable and thought this was your chance to pleasure yourself at my expense. He said no, no, no, I'm in love with you, please believe me. Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Long story short, he went lenghts to ask me if I'd cheat on my boyfriend with him. I said, of course, NEVER. That'd be the single most stupid thing I could possibly do in my life. That question even made me physically sick, but at least my answer made him go away. He went offline, and I haven't talked to him since. Thank the Lord for that. One more hint of him getting abusive like that and he's blocked in every possible way. I thought of telling Joseph so he could take out his knives, but this is one thing he doesn't need to know; he doesn't need to worry about this. I'll handle it.

3. Let's speak of pretty things, shall we? I am in love with Joseph. Today he came to campus to see me, which he hadn't done in a while. Hours later, after class, we ended up having some bedroom time that's left me sore, but I believe it's worth it. All in all, I like it. I like him. It's all good.

You see, he's FINALLY found something he believes in. A job. A curious job that he's incredibly committed to. I'd never seen him so motivated, to the point of saying "I want to learn to drive as soon as possible".

I'm still not sure how the bussiness goes, but it's a health thing, so he's the first one who needs to get in shape. He got tested and he's got zero muscle, a lot of fat (though he's skinny) and is even malnourished. Not strange, if you ask me, his eating habits are a shame. So he needs to gain 10 pounds, AND distribute them all over his body in muscle, which means he has to work out. He's drinking some skim milk shakes and has learned that he needs to eat 6 times a day, 3 meals and 3 snacks.

I know I'll be sucked into that, he's warned me already. I'd like to get a little healthier myself, actually, I just lack discipline. However, I'm thinking how good he'll look within a few months...and I can't let him have all the hotness in the relationship. Something must be done.

4. Everyday I convince myself more and more of how broken beyond repair my relationship with the gang is.

5. I am in love with Joseph. This deserved to be mentioned twice.

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