It's just a temporary failure.
Wednesday, 02/27/08 - 10:15 pm.

Tomorrow's Joseph birthday. Making plans about it and talking to him tonight cheered me up, after a day that had a lot of good things, but also, a huge dissapointment.

Let's start with that. In the morning, I headed over to find information on scholarships to some government departament. It was a long drive, it was very far away from my house, where a huge forest used to exist and now it's just a bunch of malls. When we got there, we were told the place we were looking for was somewhere else. Long drive back, and nearly two hours of being sent from one place to another, with no parking lot available, in a city area dedicated to government buildings.

I was on the verge of tears, but my dad kept trying and telling me that we shouldn't give up. When we did find the office, the "office" was just a cubicle in a second floor of white, naked walls, with just two souls. That was the scholarship division. A lady gave us some information I already had and sent us to some guy.

The guy was nice, but after a 15 minute talk, I came to where I started. No real dates to apply, no real opportunities, no real names of organizations...he gave me a brochure that contained useless information (that, again, I already knew) and sent me to the website. The website that had sent me to that long drive in the first place. Conclusion? There are scholarships available. We just don't know where, when or from whom.

So I felt like crying for a good portion of the day. I have to thank my dad for keeping my chin up...he's familiar with the hostile world of bureoucracy, and he told me that the last resource is the one we haven't used; something will come up. He even told me that I should go study in Houston, stay with my brother to save on house and food, and they'd find a way to pay for the education. Bless their hearts, I'm so grateful, but NEVER. I'd rather not keep studying. Too expensive, I'd ruin their lives.

The rest of the day was better. I signed up to take the TOEFL in may and got a lot of positive feedback from W. regarding my patient. He made me tape myself, and in the end it was very interesting and useful. I hated my voice, I sound like Daria. But even with the flaws I had (I thought I'd have more), he said THAT was psychotherapy, and my interventions seemed like coming from a textbook. Some were dead-on. Oh, yay.

Anyway, Joseph's birthday tomorrow...I'm excited. I was going to take him to this fancy restaurant, but I figured it takes 20 minutes to get there. If we go to the restaurant near my house, it takes less than 5 minutes. 15 minutes going and 15 coming make half an hour that could be invested in things he likes more than eating: sex.

FYI, I will not give up. I'll win a scholarship and I'll dedicate it to my parents.

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