Monday, 03/17/08 - 10:12 pm.
There's a major problem within my family, and I hadn't noticed. My sister isn't speaking to my parents, and it's such a long, complicated story, that I'm not sure I'd like to talk about it. Much.
She's being mysterious about this man she's, we assume, dating. It's her boss. Her romantic life is really none of my bussiness, but my parents thought it was time to speak up now that ten years have passed, his boss divorced his wife over her and everybody at her workplace has realized the special treatment she gets from him. They wrote to her, she wrote back, and so on, and instead of saying "yes, we're dating", or "not we're not", she started to insult my parents and accuse them of overlooking her professional success. Not the case. Her arguments seemed a desperate attempt to cover something. She finally said she doesn't want to be considered their daughter.
It's a family matter, from a systemic point of view. Yesterday my parents, brother #3 and I talked about it (well, my parents filled us in). Joseph, on the other hand, says my parents should't have stuck their noses in the first place, and that my dad follows the traditional male model of overprotecting the female in the family: mom, sister and I. That's what my sister said (all confrontation has been written), "my brothers have done worse things [implicit acceptance of what she's done] and they never got the treatment I got". I think so, too, but my dad says he's treated the five of us equally. We're equal. Just, as stated in Animal Farm, some are more equal than others.
So I really try to stay away from it. On thursday, my sister called me and said she had a situation with my parents, she wasn't speaking to them. On friday, I got the letter my parents sent to her (one of three, later I found out)...I felt bad for her, being exposed like that. I didn't judge her, and I said it was none of my bussiness. Neither my parents nor my sister would ask me to take sides, so I was fine.
We all agree that it's her life, and even though there will be consequences (she may even lose her job), I think she's a grown woman and she'll face them. Example of what she did: when her house was robbed and her son was sleeping over, she was sleeping in a little apartament my parents owned. My parents were outraged to find that she was covering up, that actually she'd go there and then her boss would pick her up and she'd spend the night with him. I'm not outraged. I think it's kinda tacky lying like that, but also understand that my parents, my dad specially, is always trying to keep her within arm's reach. Just like with me.
I'm only concerned about the consequences at her workplace, and mostly, about my nephew. It bothers me that this relationship is getting in the way of the respect she used to have. She's lost friends, she's the gossip of the day. Clearly, she doesn't care, and that's fine. But it scares me how defensive she is; when she is defensive, she is hurtful, very hurtful. At least now I know where my niece comes from.
Now it's just a matter of "time", apparently. My parents will stay away until she drops by again. At least they'll wait this week. I'm sorry for both sides...truly, my parents are awfully conservative with their daughters; I know they mean no harm, it's that good intention of "protecting them", but that also entails a little bit of discrimination. Still with such attitudes, I wouldn't have gone as far as saying "don't count me in as your daughter". On the other hand, I am their daughter, too, so I understand how restrained my sister must've felt for a good part of her life, even at this day.
She messed like this with a man once before. She used to come at 1 am, and my dad would ask her what was up with that. This man was getting divorced, so she said she was just being supportive. His soon to be ex-wife came home once to tell my parents that my sister was interfering in her trying to save the marriage. Not too long afterwards, my sister got pregnant by this man, and thus my nephew was born.
The man turned out to be a jerk, a lousy father with seven kids from four different women...so, yeah, the background isn't very pleasant. My sister is a feminist, so I wonder what's up with choosing a man who already has a wife (in both cases, I don't know if the divorce happened because of or just during the development of her relationship) and being the target of ugly comments about being a "second front". I guess she doesn't care, and that actually is ok.
Ugly, ok, depends on the point of view. It depends. I'm just glad I don't have to take sides.
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