Beggining life After Frog.
Saturday, 08/09/08 - 5:25 pm.

It's hard to believe that a week ago Frog was alive. She's been dead for three days but it feels like it's been more than that. This house feels so empty without her because she's been in every corner of it, and she'd be -most of the times- where I was.

All in all, though, I've been feeling a little better. I don't cry a lot. I didn't do it yesterday, until I went to bed. I guess that even though she's gone and I miss her badly, I can't deny that she had a wonderful life. I've been seeing pictures of her, and it's all good times. Occassionally I wonder if, had I paid attention to her sickness, something could've been done. I think not. We did do what we could. Imagining things differently would be wishful thinking and it's useless, isn't it?

People have been extremely supportive and I thank everyone for that. They know that I loved Frog, and a lot of people were also very fond of her. Sometimes I'd feel bad about feeling this bad, saying "it was just a dog...", but everybody validates my feelings. It was your dog, your friend for 12 years, a member of your family. She was. She was important to me, like pets are important for many. I'm sitting on the floor while writing this and I know she'd be laying next to me.

I'm scared of stopping feeling bad because I think it would mean that I've stopped caring about her or I've forgotten her. It's a silly idea. I get to visit her everyday when I feed the parrots. Perhaps there'll come a day in which I won't think of her at all, and I'll notice that until I'm falling asleep. But it won't mean anything, except that her death became part of my life. I have all these pictures and memories and drawings of her. I sent my baby nephew (#3) a stuffed hippo and my brother #2, his dad, named it after a especial nickname he had for Frog.

I've been thinking of eventually getting another dog. I'm still unsure. They do need a lot of care, and there's the cats in my house, and the fact that I may leave next year, and if it's too soon, I could compare the new one to Frog and have irrealistic expectations. Obviously now it's not a good time, just to think of all the care they need seems like a burden I don't feel like taking upon.

But I won't discard the possibility. I'd like to adopt a dog from a shelter like Blackie did. Part of me wants to have a puppy to start from zero, which is something I've never experienced (aside from Joseph's cat's babies). But also, I hate pet shops for several reasons, I wouldn't like to pay a lot of money and in the end, I just want a furry friend. I would like a good-looking dog, of course, but I shouldn't base my decision on that. There are many dogs out there who need a home.

I don't remember my life without Frog, but I'm learning to be without her now. Even though I'm still really sad, I can't help but feel glad for everything I went through with her. I take comfort in the idea that she'll always be with me, somehow.

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