The gift has been delivered, I'm free to fade away.
Tuesday, 02/24/09 - 8:25 pm.

About an hour ago, I dropped CR off a few houses away from Joseph's house. He was carrying my gift. I don't know what happened afterwards.

I've been in anguish over that, even though I feel paradoxically relieved. It's like this was my final mission with him, wishing him the best for his birthday/marriage and from now on, my job is to fade away. I know that for him I have faded away, but me, I have refused to do it. But I'll do it now, which means...well, pretty much just blocking him (not that he comes online often). I guess it's all a state of mind. Physically, he's been gone for a long time now. I just have to assume that. And it's time. It hurts, but it's time.

I've been told my scholarship pre-app was received. Another weight off my back, now I just have to wait. I consider I'm good enough, and I'm confident I'll be chosen. But also, I don't want to be surprised with bad news. So I'll forget about it for a while.

I like my job. Sometimes I don't have anything to do, but I like it. I've made friends with the two girls my age, that at first I thought were very distant and apathetic. They don't like each other; but I get along with each of them separatedly. They're both really, really nice. One is leaving next week, though, as she was just doing an internship; today she asked me for my e-mail, after I helped her with some homework for her english classes, and she'll add me to her social network. The joys of being in touch.

It's my niece's 15th birthday today. Very smart to run away from her home around these days. I don't know if it'll be a happy one. I sent her a card, I hope she opens it because it's only a dancing cake.

I still feel like a failure, over losing Joseph. But let's be positive and think that he's happily married now. My failure is his happiness. Glad I could help.

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