Thursday, 04/09/09 - 12:19 pm.
I've been going out every day this week, and I think I won't today nor tomorrow. I try to keep my spending at a minimun, but you know how things add up, and it turns out I've spent a lot this week. I'd like to keep doing stuff but anyway, people are making plans with people other than me, and I have to save every possible penny. Enough reasons to tell myself it's good to be home.
I met with Mo, my old friend from school, and her baby, two days ago. I also saw her husband briefly. He still seems like a kid to me, I hadn't seen him in years. It's so strange having a friend your age who's already married and with a kid. The conversations are completely different. Part of me would like to be at that stage, but in reality, I can barely imagine how much work it takes to raise a child and work on your marriage and manage the household and deal with the in-laws.
However, after going out for coffee and coming back home and putting the baby to sleep, our conversation became less adult-responsibility focused. I told Mo what had happened with Joseph, how he married someone else four months after ending our four-year relationship. It's kind of heartwarming seeing how people react to this thing he did. Indeed, it hurts being replaced like that. Mo said I was looking great after all I've gone through, though. To be fair, it wasn't THAT hard on me...I mean, for split seconds I wanted to kill myself and stuff, but I know it could've been worse. Years ago, I used to hurt myself.
While I think our break-up was amicable enough, and while I am certain I don't EVER want to go back to Joseph, some things still hurt a little, and perhaps they always will. Like, his current nickname is a message to some guy telling him not to be stupid and admit he wants to hook up with some gal, and at the end it says Carmen wrote this, not me. It hurts my ego, I can't really put into words why. On the other hand, I think two things: (1) if she wrote that, then she's a good match for him; (2) they're both slightly immature, because the message sounds like the kind of things middle-schoolers like to mess with. Perhaps I'm just telling myself this to make my ego feel better.
Ah, hell, it works.
Aside from this seemingly permanent ego soft spot, I am very, very happy. I'm in love with Art, a bit more everyday. I love his sense of humor, the way he sees things, the captions under his pictures, I love how he loves his nieces and what a hard-worker he is (aside from his regular job, he helps out with his sister's business). I love his hair, the look in his eyes, I love that he textes me at 6 am before he goes to work and I even love the way he smokes, even though I wish he quit for the sake of his lungs.
Two nights ago I found a plane ticket to LA at $324. It was midnight and I couldn't buy it (I could've tried online, but I had two problems with my debit card). By now the ticket has doubled its price, but I'm waiting. The price changes all through the day. I want to see him so bad. You remember I said not too long ago that even though I didn't want to, I considered that getting back together with Joseph would be like coming home? BULLSHIT. I don't think so anymore. Home, as the saying goes, is where the heart is. I think Art fits perfectly in every aspect of my life...and yeah, let's omit the fact that we're in different countries.
He's very popular at his workplace, but I can assure you that I love him more than his managers do.
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