Emotionless --> worried --> stressed --> burned-out
Monday, 10/15/01 - 8:26 p.m..

One hell of a day. And I mean hell.

Let's start from the time I arrived at school. Ummm, I arrived at school. I went to the podium and watched as people started coming in the classroom. Then Veronica came in. She hugged me and kissed me and asked the regular questions: how are you?, my head hurts...then she said: I'm sorry for getting lost...really. I smiled. Not because I wanted to, I guess that's my way to react towards her. It's either that or mentioning her mother. And she's a nice person. So...she asked why are you laughing?...nevermind, I said. I'm just sleepy. The bell rang, she left. On monday my first period is computer science...so off I went, to the computer room, upstairs (if it's seen from the hallway). On my way, I decided I didn't want to feel today. I wanted to be indifferent, jaded, emotionless...I wanted to have emotional ballheavyness. I did. The Veronica incident didn't affect me. But by the 1st recess, I realized how many assignments I've been putting off...holy-shit. Then I got worried. I'm not the kind of person who puts the shit off just like that.

I spent the 2nd recess with Carmen. Nothing worth-telling. Then...my social studies teacher didn't show up because I wished he tripped while going downstairs...nah, I don't think my wish was granted. But he didn't make it on time, so Fidel gave us the period off...did he?...yeah, yes, he did. I'm sorry, I'm burnt-out right now, I couldn't remember. Then, math again. We're having an exam on friday....hooooooly fuck, I'm sick of math exams.

3rd recess, can't remember what I did. Then, english. The morning was over. What I thought it would be an emotionless day, was becoming a damn stressing cloudy day.

Norman, Head & I agreed to get together during lunch to work on our science project, which by the way is for friday, too. Not to mention the math project. Anyway...I sat on the benches, while waiting for them. It was really sunny and there was only a spot where the sun wasn't getting to. So I sat there. And watched. Watched people. I must have looked pathetic all alone, but I don't give a fuck. It was cool. Well, any of the kids were getting there. BUT, Cory came up and sat next to me. That must have looked really sweet, because on that spot there was space for just two or three people. We talked. For some time. It was interesting. I said I don't get girls. He said he doesn't get girls, either. The way they (sorry, WE) behave and all that shit. We agreed on how uncomfortable is having best friends with boyfriend/girlfriends. Anyway, we'd been talking for some time and some guys sat on another benches and stared at us. They showed Cory a finger. No, not the middle one. The fat one...like saying "way to go, Cory (that's just his nickname)". Logically, he and I, sitting next to each other, while having all that space on the benches looked really...compromising for the both of us. Fuck it, I don't care. I'm giving up on him, too.

Ok, Norm & Head arrived and we worked some. Then the periods in the afternoon...it was for just reading a book I didn't have. I got a partner to read. I left school and got home...thank God. I'm fucking tired out.

So, dad went to buy me that damn book. He and mommy had this conflict because of it, and sometimes you might think why the fuck are they still together? Well, they've been that way for 35 years. And seriously, they love each other.

I started working on some shit. The problem with all that shit is that it's supposed to be done in groups. But here I am, the one who takes all of the responsability. Hey, if you want something well-done, do it by yourself. I know I shouldn't but I must. I'd rather sacrifice myself that sacrifice a good grade because of a useless teenager. Here I was, minding my own bussiness when the guy calls. He starts, yet again. He was telling me what to do (how to masturbate, yet again). He was having a lot of fun while all I was doing was underlining a paragraph for my computer science project. No, that project's for thursday.

Now, he asks again: Do you want to continue this way?...I'm not going to describe the whole conversation. We basically agreed on nothing and he's calling tomorrow so I'll make him feel..."good". Because it's "his turn" tomorrow. Since when do we take fuckin' "turns"?

Now, the day has come to an end and I'm tired. But I have to read a book. No, that assignment's for wednesday.

Now that I think about it, all of my projects for friday will be presented on thursday...since on friday my classroom (room B) and the classroom of the guy and the motherfuckin' Society (room A) are going to a...some sort of a meeting, to think about the year and our next year as the class of 2002. What a waste. Many of those people won't be next year with us. Specially people from the Society. I didn't follow them today...because I'll have to deal with more than one of its members on friday. Many of us (room B) don't want to go with room A. Because yes, they're the shallow, cool crowd. Another problem is that the guy will be there, like I said before. AND, the place where we're having that meeting, assembly, whatever it is, it's the same fuckin' place where we first met. And I mean we met (close encounters, let's say...but we didn't have sex). That's where I fell in love with him. But seriously, I don't think anything will happen this time around.

Oh, yes...while I was waiting at school for my parental unity to pick me up, I noticed Veronica. I think she was crying. We made eye contact but I ignored her. Though I could have sworn she was crying. It hurt me. I'd lost my "I'll be emotionless" conviction, anyway. But whatever...she's got her Clown to make her happy. I'm history, no matter how many mornings she comes up while I'm the podium and she says that I'm still her priority...the number one on her list.

Ok, I'll go read a book, for Pete's sake. I'm fuckin' tired.

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