Retail therapy and the well-known bruises.
Saturday, 05/30/09 - 6:08 pm.

I had never spent so much money on clothes before. I went past the $100 mark. But this isn't a habit for me, and with that in mind, I say that it felt so good. I went to the mall in the morning, but it was too early so most shops weren't open. I wandered around, thinking of Joseph; because we went there so many times, and he even worked at a shop that's not there anymore. Around that time, he admitted to liking some Beatles songs, because of me, and promised to get me their action figures, that had just came out. He never did, of course. They were rare and expensive.

Shopping to me is just a means to get nice stuff, but it's not a sport I'd practice regularly. But anyway, I had all the time in the world, so I tried on clothes and used my debit card for the first time. I kept track of the money I was spending, of course, and I knew it was more than what I'd regularly spend. I was allowing myself to be anal-expulsive because I found out I had more money in my back account from work than I thought. $400 more. Well, well, I am a good saver. Hard worker, too (but not this week, I haven't done much at work).

So it was good. I got awesome, cool clothes, for work and for leisure (sometimes I think I talk a little weird). One shirt allows me to show off my tattoo...man, I got inked a week ago and I still don't believe it. But I digress. I see why they call it retail therapy. It takes your mind off things and a change in the outside may help you feel better inside, at least a little, at least for a while. Also, I bought my dad his present for Father's Day. I thought of getting a cup of coffee to enhance my shopping experience, but I considered it unnecessary.

After shopping, I decided to spend the rest of the day at home, given it's a cloudy day, a precious day to be lazy. I could work on my book, watch Friends, read. But now I'm thinking against it. CR called me saying tomorrow we can drop by Al's house to play Starfox 64, and said we couldn't do it today because Al was attending a gig. I thought, "hey, I want to go, too". I suddenly felt like going out. I want to. But I look around, and I don't know who to ask. I wish I had a gang.

Since we're talking about sad stuff, I have to say I'm still hurt by Art. I know I said yesterday that I was going to put it past behind me, but today I saw the girl left him a message: "I love you...". And he replied, "I love you, too, my baby girl". Tears piled up. Another guy who overlaps me with someone else and ends up calling my replacement "my baby girl". I thought about asking him if the joke had ended and they were serious now. But I'm more inclined to just block him on my contact list. I got rid of his phone number.

As for Joseph, I have the words I want to say to him, and I have decided what the course of action will be once I've spoken: I'll ask him to block me. Delete me, if he wants. And the same for his wife. That way I won't see them and I'll end up deleting them myself. So I hope he comes online soon to end this. I'll have you know, Joseph: all this, is because I'm still in love with you.

I'm not ok today. But it happens. I have my ups and downs and this week hasn't been particularly nice for my feelings. I watched The Reader this afternoon and I bawled insanely. It's a beautiful movie and it rarely had something to do with my life, but it allowed me to mourn my own little drama.

Right now I'm thinking of not going out tonight because dad is going out (he's involved with the new government that will be inaugurated on monday, so there are a lot of meetings and cocktails and whatever), and so my mom will be home alone. I wish they weren't so traditional, so that he wouldn't get mad if she got out and she would actually feel like going out.

So I'll stay home, I guess, to keep her company. Anyway, I already spent a lot of money today and my car's ventilation system sucks so it's dangerous to drive under the rain. Though I could use some company myself. And a drink or two.

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