Saturday, 06/20/09 - 11:05 am.
I have a nice job, all in all. But everyday I pray more intensely for it to be temporary, and more importantly, for me to win the scholarship and get out of there. By now I've had a few brief encounters with my bosses over gender and gang violence issues. They know a lot about disability, but they are incredibly narrow-minded and have lots of prejudices. Let's say no more about this.
We're working on the balanced scorecard so it was an exhausting day yesterday. We got nice food, though. At 4 I headed to the clinic, but the 5 pm patient that pays cancelled and I had a few hours to spare until 6:30, for the next patient. So I didn't earn my $20, that will come in handy soon (reasons in further entries), but I took a much needed nap. One of these days I read an article on an experiment that proved that well rested people can decode other people's emotions better.
At 8 pm, I picked up CR and we went to the concert. The place was packed and for a while it seemed it'd be just the two of us. Al had a graduation to attend, his two girl friends were busy, etc. Luckily, Carolyn, the volunteer that works at my office showed up with a friend, another american girl, and things got more fun. Then, my friend Michelle showed up and we hung out for a little while. I even saw a couple of acquaintances from high school.
It wasn't so great, though. The place was full and the cigarrette smoke got the two girls sick so they left before the band I wanted them to see took to the stage (they did enjoy the previous shows). CR and I stood outside to avoid all that smoke, but it was very uncomfortable too, with people walking by and pushing you all the time. We left at midnight. As usual, I paid for his entrance and I took him home.
Perhaps it was because he was pretty much drooling all over me last night (since I was wearing a shirt to show off my tattoo), but I didn't feel as comfortable hanging out with him...maybe it's not so fun hanging out just the two of us anymore. I always hope other people will come along, but most of the times they don't. I suppose I'll take a break from him next weekend. I feel the need to pursue other relationships.
I love one of the guys in the band. I'm in awe when I see him, he's like a character from a movie. Whatever he does, it just breaks my heart seeing him. I don't get the cool guys. First it was Al, then this guy, and also another of his bandmates...by my romantic standards, they are extraordinary people (my friends are extraordinary people, but it's another kind of relationship). However, people like them aren't attracted to me. Joseph being the exception, and as we all know, he also stopped being attracted to me.
I'm thinking this weekend won't turn out to be as fun as I expected. I'm afraid I'll go to the movies alone this afternoon, it's always so hard to find companion. Tomorrow I'll help some students with their thesis, but I already told them I suck at those things. I think tomorrow afternoon I'll meet up with some kids I write a blog with (most of them for the first IRL), but I don't know.
I don't feel a lot of satisfaction lately. What's missing in my life, man? Partly, I think it's work. I think it's the need for having a more solid social network. Anyway, weekend is always better than no weekend.