Wednesday, 09/09/09 - 9:30 pm.
I'm so, so sick. My body aches and my nose is stuffed. I may take a few hours off work tomorrow. But I have a Board of Directors meeting at night, ugh.
Last night I was talking to someone and I said something about not going to certain places because I was afraid of running into Joseph. He, being a mutual friend of the two of us, said he doesn't go out, "except for specific places", and his wife doesn't go out either, "because of the state she's in" (*cough*pregnant).
Shortly after that little cameo of Mr and Mrs Smith in my life, I realized I didn't want to talk about them. I was starting to feel like crap and so I changed subject. Truth is, I think of Joseph briefly once in a while, but I try not to. There's nothing left to think about.
He is, indeed, dead to me. I'm sorry I couldn't be friends with him, but I don't have to, not after the things I had to endure during our break-up. I'll be happy if I never have to see him again. My memories are precious, my memories are safe, and I can't begin to describe how wonderful my time with him was, how much I learned, how much I loved him. But it's over. I'm long forgotten and he has a family to look after.
I think I'm angry at him, you know?
It hurts to be forgotten, but there's no point on dwelling how much it hurts. So I'm turning myself numb. I love him, but I can't care about him anymore. I was debating whether to take down a picture of us on FB. I was determined to, but then I looked again and I liked it. I suppose I'll end up doing it, I just have to build the courage to let go.
On other news, although unfortunately sure to increase my loneliness, I just crossed Joe off my list. The guy's not interested in me. I'll put him next to Lighthouse in my Hall of Shame. Aside from Joseph, who perhaps was just a [very happy] glitch in my life, I never get the guy that I want.
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