Wednesday, 09/16,/09 - 9:06 pm.
I have bought my plane ticket to Houston, to go visit Brother #1 and #2 and their families in december. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. The tickets were at a very low price so I just called and bought my and my parents' tickets. They were very cheap, but it's still a lot of money, in terms of the gap left in my account.
It'll be good for me, a little traveling, something to look forward to. I didn't go last year hoping Joseph and I would get back together, and it turned out to be the worst holiday of my life...ugh, my eyes still get a little teary when I remember all that was going on. Never again. I'm only sorry for leaving my cats, but I trust they'll be fine.
Oh, and this time I'm paying for the trip in its entirety. My parents used to pay for everything when I was younger; then I started paying for either the ticket or the expenses when I was in the US...now I'll be paying for both. Even though I hate seeing my savings decrease, it feels so, so good.
Now, I have something very serious to discuss.
This long weekend made me feel uncomfortable with my job. It's not about the people, as misoginist and traditional as they are; they're still good people and treat me very kindly. But the job itself...I didn't study to be a secretary. It's a valuable job, and it's required to keep the foundation running, but I'm not fulfilled with it. Making phone calls, writing e-mails, translating documents, getting photocopies...I miss writing papers, applying all my psychology knowledge and skills.
I wrote to some spanish universities yesterday and today I got a reply, that simply said the application deadline was last week. I wrote to Brother #3, to whom I turn to when I'm scared, frustrated or doubtful in this long process of finding a scholarship. Also when I have good news regarding this issue, but those are rare to come by.
After a few e-mails, he tells me that he and his wife had discussed my situation, and realized that my job may be holding me back. Not in just the traditional way, that I'm not doing what I studied for; scholarship boards look at how you can "give back" and if your job relates to your career. I think this was a factor in my getting rejected by Fulbright. They did ask me why, if I'm a psychologist, I'm working as an executive assistant. Well, duh: money, experience, couldn't find anything better. But my reasons are not good enough. And they won't be good enough.
So I'm thinking of quitting my job. Be december my last month there. It's not an easy decision, but also I do need to feed my CV. As my brother said, I graduated with honors but my CV speaks nothing of my abilities because I have no real experience in my own field.
The first thing that comes to mind is money. I could live with a lower income, but just how lower? I know my parents pay for food and roof, so I have the basics covered. But I SO don't want to go back to asking my dad for money, for gas, for my stuff. Money has brought me some independence and I don't want to lose it. The clinic is a very unstable income, because the patients sometimes show up and sometimes they don't.
Brother #2 is more conservative, saying I should just give a new approach to the fact that I have a job that has nothing to do with my studies, in case a scholarship board asks me about it. I'd tell the truth, anyway: this is a temporary thing because my main goal is go study abroad, and I'm not going to just sit at home with my arms crossed. He says we've all been through that. He even worked at a newspaper. A medicine student, at a newspaper. It was a starting point. But still, the scholarship boards, I think, may not be too keen on giving me such credit. They want proof.
So I'll keep looking for jobs, but I have to slow down on my idea of quitting the one I already have. It is important for me, though, to give my notice with enough time so they can look for someone else, and I can help with her training ("her", because, yeah, God forbid a man does this kind of job). I just don't want to leave them hanging. They have a hard time struggling to survive as an organization, and losing someone is always a mess.
Argh, well...I think this is a matter of action rather than just talking, so I'll see what I can do in these three months.
Well, apparently I can't get through an entry without mentioning boys: Lighthouse's brother and his band are featured in an online newspaper. His brother and one of his bandmantes...damn, they look great. So I have come to terms with the fact that it's going to be, most likely, years before I come across someone interesting that will be interested in me, if that ever happens. But I still can dream, right?
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