Saturday, 10/03/09 - 9:32 pm.
My drum lessons started yesterday (!!!). It was insanely fun and I'm mourning over the fact that there's no room for a drumset in my house. Unless I got rid of my bed, but my mom said no already and changed subject so I wouldn't insist. Anyway, the exercises got more demanding as the class went by, and until next class, I'll focus on separating the rhythm of each of my four limbs. I have exercises, you know? Also, I shall buy my own drumsticks.
This morning I went to have breakfast with my uncle, another two uncles, and my mom and dad, to celebrate my dad's birthday. When I got off from bed, I regretted saying I'd go, but once I was at the place, it was all good. We went to this pretty country club and I soaked into the lifestyle of the rich and famous for a while. I enjoy the niceness of the place, I get lazy by seeing all those dolled-up ladies having baby showers. It's a whole different ideology and thanks, I'll stick to being working class.
I had to leave early to see my 10 am patient at the clinic, though I had the feeling he wouldn't show up. I texted him, called him, no reply either way. He didn't show up; I'm thinking he won't anymore. There goes part of my income, and there are no new patients in sight. The other one did show up, and he's my favorite. Although I failed a little today. He's so wrapped up in his internal dialogue, man, that he just sucks me in. I realize that now but I still have a hard time confronting him about it.
Afterwards, I was going to meet my friend Lorena for pizza, right down the street from my clinic. She cancelled and I sent a message to Starfox Guy. He and I had talked last night, discussing at lenght the dilemma of his girlfriend. I texted him and he was all for it.
You know, it's very strange. Starfox Guy and I were instructors at the university at the same time, but we never went beyond saying "hi" to each other at the instructors' cubicle, in the eventuality that he showed up there. I don't think we ever held a conversation. He asked for help a couple of times and we must have exchanged a few jokes, at the most. I left the university and he will start his thesis next year. We started being friends when he found Simeon's site. He called me in awe because he thought it was awesome, and the rest is history. Documented in this journal. Yay.
So we met for lunch today. We talked and talked. About his girlfriend, first of all, and clearly, this guy needs some time for himself. He'll talk to her tomorrow to sort things out and reach a decision. I told him part of my story with Joseph and I felt like crying. I guess hearing the girl's side has made him more sensitive to what his girlfriend is going through right now. And then we talked about university and driving and whatever. He's so fun to hang out with. He reminds me a little of my friend Angel, with whom we can jump from random subject to random subject by the minute.
After the pizza, he invited me to a cuban restaurant right around the corner. Man, I love this town, I should move there. On the first story of the building where my clinic is in (and yesterday I noticed they are building a third story), there's a pharmacy. In front of the bulding there's the house where I take drum lessons. A few houses down, the pizza place. Around the corner, the cuban restaurant; next to it, a chinese restaurant. At the end of that street, a bar I like (though I've only been there twice; one of them to see Spiderman II on mute). And across that street, a mall.
Anyway! We bought milk shakes at the cuban place, and he told me how he was kidnapped in 2006. Knowing that freaked me out, especially because kidnapping is very common here and usually the victims turn out dead within days. But his attackers dropped him off in the middle of nowhere at 3 am, and he had to walk a long distance to get help. It's a long story, but nobody would help him (of course, in such an insecure place, nobody trusts anyone, and the cry for help is thought to be a trap). When he finally called his parents and they found him and called the cops, they stopped at a gas stations, and his kidnappers were there. He told his dad but his dad told him to leave it alone, fearing revenge (because they had his wallet, thus his personal information). And so they went home.
On a lighter note, the milk shakes were awesome. Oh, and he plays the drums, too! His teacher is the drummer in Joe's jazz band, such a small world. But he's been thinking of selling it because he lost practice and all...I felt smart when he was telling me about some missing parts of the drumset because I knew what he was talking about. He also has Guitar Hero - Aerosmith, and says I'm welcome to drop by his house, and he'll invite other kids from the university that I used to be an instructor for (and now they're instructors themselves). That should be fun.
After we went our separate ways, I kept thinking of him. But not in a romantic way. He's just such a nice, funny guy, and it's great to hang out with him. And I started thinking of all the guys I've been going out with since Joseph: CR, Lighthouse, Joe, Vic, Victor1 (Victor1 is my best friend; Victor2 was my classmate at the university), W, Starfox Guy...and with all of them, as friends. CR wanted something else, I believe, but he's been very respectful. Having guy friends like them make me appreciate, respect and trust men. I've always rejected stereotypical ideas like "all men are the same"...they have common features, some more than others, but frankly, not all of them are the same. And now I can say it from experience.
That's not to say that making out with SOME of them has not crossed my mind at some point. But it's a natural thing, I guess. I go out with one at a time (two at the most, in the case of CR and Lighthouse), to the movies, or to eat something, so these things seem like dates.
Oh, hey, there's also a new guy at work that's going to be there for two months. It's nice to have someone my age around and I find his company very enjoyable. He graduates from journalism at the end of october, from my university, so we also have more academical conversations. I didn't think I'd have someone like that around, it's very refreshing. And some days he dresses rather nicely.
Part of me wants to have a relationship. But it's not like I have received resumes from people wanting to be my boyfriend and anyway, I'm pursuing other interests and I appreciate having time for myself. I wonder if I'd like to fool around or I'd like to have something more long-term. I'm a very commited person, so the long-term is the way to go for me. But when I think of my feelings for Joseph, I don't see myself capable of having anything more than toy relationships; you know, have intimacy and passion, have fun, but nothing serious. I don't see myself capable of loving someone as strongly as I love(d) Joseph.
In a way, it frustrates me that boys-I'm-attracted-to are not attracted to me in a romantic way, like I am to them. I've been getting hotter, no? I'm not half-bad as a woman nor as a girlfriend. And even my friend Angel said he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off me now that I'm learning to play the drums. But anyway, then I realize that I'd have to give up going out with my guy friends if I were to settle down and I don't want that just yet. I'm having such a wonderful time doing that, even if I get no action.
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