Monday, 02.15.10 - 9:59 pm.
Joe and I are going out for lunch on wednesday. A few weeks ago we discovered we work on the same street, although I'm not quite sure where exactly he works. But we are both in the perimeter of the neighborhood park.
When we made that discovery, he said we should have lunch one day. I don't trust phrases along the line of the very vague "one of these days". I get that a lot from Lighthouse. That was one of the last words I got from JC, and we haven't spoken in over a week. I said I was all up for it, and I was, but truth to be told, I just thought he was being nice.
His birthday was yesterday and I left him a message on FB. He brought up the topic of lunch again when he thanked me so I said, "hey, ok, we're friends, aren't we? I can ask, I'll talk to him when I see him online". But I also didn't want to insist because I think he has a girlfriend or girlfriend-to-be now. When I left him the message, I scrolled down and saw an exchange of posts between him and some girl. "I don't want to get between those two", I thought, which doesn't make sense, considering I say I don't like him...but I guess I still like him enough to think about being cautious with my feelings. FYI, I don't have any hope with him, I just enjoy the ride.
So I talked to him this evening and he was actually the one who mentioned lunch, as he was saying goodbye. I can tell you my slight crush for him remains but in general I'm over the guy; I don't feel like "making him mine", if you will. It's funny to think I've known him for seven years now, I saw him at least 6 months before I laid eyes on Joseph for the first time. But I don't really *know* him. We're good acquaintances that come and go through the years. Last time I saw him, it was in january, when I ran into him at a coffeehouse near the university.
He's just something to look forward to. Hanging out with cute guys in a friendly manner remind me it's cool and fun to be single.
I may have also a tiny, tiny crush on the guy that looks like Toby Maguire, that I met the sunday before this one. Yesterday CR and I went out in the afternoon and he joined us later on. We went to his house after having coffee. His house is like a giant, dark warehouse with lots of packages stacking up to the ceiling, but he had a wonderful balcony from where one can see all the surrounding mountains and the volcano. CR and Toby smoked weed there and we just hung out. Toby is playing with Lighthouse, I am so dying to see them play together. I feel cool by association.
Then, um...Skeleton Guy is out of the picture and by the stories I heard about him, I dodged a bullet (I wouldn't like him telling to my mom "I swear it on my dick" or being around him after he's had his dose of coke). Then there's another guy who sends me text messages nearly every day wishing me a nice lunch. He's the one who gave me a bunch of stuff for my birthday. He's nice but all that attention just annoys me and I don't want it.
As for JC, I can only say he's the person that has dissapointed me the most in my life. Even above Joseph. Joseph hurt me; he took me by surprise and hurt me and devastated me like nobody ever has before...he let me down in the sense that I didn't think he was the guy that would break up with me on a special day (graduation day) or that he would replace me so quickly and so heartlessly. But I have nice things from him; he gave me a chance, we were a team, he was serious about his feelings for me. JC is a dissapointment altogether, after warming up my ovaries for months he didn't even give me a chance. At this point, right here, right now, I feel like he never existed in my life. I loved him; I kind of still do, as far as my dignity allows me to. Most of all, I'm very angry at him, I'm very sad, too.
I hope one day I can have the chance to let him know that. And you can tell I've given up on him, getting in touch with him, whatever. I feel betrayed and dissapointed. I'll lick my wounds alone, he can stay far away from me, he's very good at that.
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