Sunday, 03.07.10 - 5:42 pm.
It's been less than 24 hours since I wrote my last entry, but I feel like writing. It's a lonely sunday afternoon; I asked Monica if she was available to go out this afternoon but she's still sick. JC, as I figured, didn't call. So I decided to come to the coffeehouse owned by Monica's boyfriend and bring my laptop along.
Here's the situation: I'm sitting alone, listening to my favorite music, working on an article that Victor2 and I are doing on the visions of the brain throughout history, and surfing the web. There's a guy next to me, american by all means, talking to someone on Skype. By all means, also, he's handsome. That just made my trip.
So last night I went out with CR. We met at a caf�-bar I really like. Lighthouse showed up later, coming from an award ceremony. He had entered an art contest but he didn't win. He invited us to go to his house to see a movie, since his parents were away for the weekend.
CR and Lighthouse wanted to smoke a joint, so I left my car at the bar and we drove across town to go to CR's house to pick up the weed. Lighthouse didn't have a stereo so I put on my music from my cell phone and enjoyed the ride. I don't like Lighthouse *like that* anymore, but I was pretty happy about being the copilot of a rather good-looking man who happens to be an artists. It was past 9 and the streets were empty. While CR got out of the car to get the weed at his apartment, Lighthouse and I talked about music.
We pinky-promised (haha) to get together next weekend to jam. He has his bass guitar back and I've been planning on putting new strings on my electric guitar. I don't think a pinky-promise means anything, because he is pretty evasive and will probably let time go by if I don't call him, but I'll try to make it happen, because it sounds awesome and it's something to look forward to this week. It'll also me make me practice guitar more. My fingers are getting blisters already.
Anyway, after a long ride, we got back to the caf� and I got in my car and drove to his house, which is an awesome place. He got us drinks (ok, soda for me) and rum-filled chocolates, and then they both smoked. I didn't finish the movie, a modern version of Macbeth, because I was thinking that my dad would be worried. He was, really...I know he suffers more than necessary when I go out at night, but I also hate that he suffers at all for me, so I got home before midnight. I was so pumped by the perspective of having someone to play music with, though, that I played until 1 am.
When I was with CR, I had a rather curious urge to see Joseph and have a casual conversation with him, as if he was a long-time friend I hadn't seen in a while. I didn't feel hurt nor fearful as I imagined the escenario. For starters, CR looks more or less like Joseph, physically and in some attitudes, and sometimes when I become aware of that fact, I kinda sorta long for him. But I'm aware of the reality. It just should be noted that I get empowered like that when I feel I'm doing great things, when I feel I've grown up. Like, when I returned from Lighthouse's house, I also felt I didn't need JC in my life.
And just yesterday I was wondering how the hell could I come with terms with the fact that our relationship, such a fucking promising one but that crashed and burned, had ended. I mean, realistically, our relationship ended on December 19th but I suppose I always harbored a little hope. His last e-mail on friday made me really sad, though, and made me think it was time for me to move on. But I didn't know how. If coming to terms with a loss is a process, I didn't think I had made a big progress. I guess last night I did.