Tuesday, 05.11.10 - 3:49 pm.
This was painful for me to write. It took all my might to go and read my entries of one year ago: Joseph had just married Carmen, Carmen was talking to me, half of my family was upset over my first tattoo and Art was playing with my feelings. I cried a little and I can't believe the amount of pain I was going through at the time. Instead of feeling proud of enduring all that (which I am), I feel weak and hurt and I want to cry more.
But fear not! I have awesome news that will be annouced in my next entry. Life is good.
But this just in: yesterday I had the feeling Art and his "girlfriend" were having problems, because I read something on Facebook Almighty that made me suspicious. In a spur-of-the-moment thing, I went and deleted Art from my friend list. I regretted it instantly but then I didn't. It was about time.
I think he's about to do to this girl what he did to me. I saw my friend Victoria today and she's friends with this girl, and she told that Art was supposed to be flying in this thursday to see her and he cancelled yesterday, saying he had a "family emergency". They had a big fight over that.
So I just sent this message to her. Victoria, being a close friend of hers, encouraged me to do so. And yes, it was very painful to write and to remember it all. But also it was liberating to speak out. This FB thing is pretty much "fill in the blanks" when you see comments like that, but I don't think I'm wrong. I know who she's dealing with. And let's face it: when she got involved with Art, she saved me from him. I hope I can do the same for her now.
Claudia,On May 6th or 7th last year, you put on your status for the first time that you were in a relationship with Art . I remember very well because that morning he texted me saying "you'll see something on Facebook, it's a joke"; and I also remember because days before I'd been looking for plane tickets to fly to Los Angeles to visit him in August.
We had been getting along as more than friends for a couple of months then, via messenger + webcam and text messages. I really thought we had something serious but when I confronted him about his relationship status, he said it was a joke, that you and him wanted to get reactions from people and that -poor guy- I didn't allow him to have fun.
I tried to make him see that what he was doing was hurting me. Even if it wasn't serious, it wasn't just messing with things that had happened to me before (my boyfriend of over four years had broken up with me, after hiding for days or weeks that he was living with another girl, whom he married four months later after dumping me, and around that time Art and I began our thing over messenger), but also he had betrayed my trust. He lied to give me illusions and to gratify himself, and when he realized I took it seriously, he stepped back and took refuge in the joke you two had, denying that it was painful at all and insisting I was blowing things out of proportion. I gave up trying to make him see that he had made me feel like shit. I hope I'll never run into him ever again in my life.
Of course, after that he stopped talking to me and started to talk to you, and I witnessed everything up to now, through Facebook. Since he always tried to keep our "relationship" (don't fool yourself, a relationship in such terms is just a fantasy) a secret, nobody knew and I had no one to run to for support. And honestly, it embarrassed me, and still embarrasses me, what happened with him. Partly it was my fault, but he was always there to keep me going.
I'm telling you all this because even though we're not Best Friends Forever, I love you a lot and I hope you know I don't tell lies. You don't have to reply or tell me anything. A year ago I suppose I would have loved to ask you if it was really a joke, but because I was hurt and desperate over what Art was doing. I'm not desperate anymore. I am hurt, because it's hard to digest that a friend of years would suddenly play with you like that.
Who you get along with and how is not of my concern, which is why I also didn't write you later telling you to be careful with him. Anyway, when I compared what you had with him and how he acted with me, it seemed he did take you seriously. If everything is going well with him, I'm really happy and discard this message, believe me there's no ill intention in this. If you do have a hunch in your heart, listen to it; protect yourself and get away. In any case, please, please, don't tell this to anyone.
Be well.
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