Wednesday, 05.19.10 - 11:17 pm.
It seems I'm going through this phase in which I don't update much. Could be that I'm in a phase in which I'm putting things off and do them at the last minute.
So these days I'd been caught up in my crush on Sam. But it's fading away. I have messages from him from the past few days that say "I love thee" or "I will send you a hug for free"; I waited impatiently for his Direct Messages on Twitter. It was nice but seriously, we don't talk. My IM program tells me he doesn't have me on his contact list. And since yesterday afternoon, he stopped his flirty ways with me.
It's ok. If I had a chance with him, I'd take it, but I don't. He graduates high school next week and he broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks ago. He lives a bit far away from me. This reality and what it implies points out that I have zero chances.
I thought about Joseph when I noticed that his mom drove him to my house last week. The first time I went to Joseph's house, my parents drove me there and waited in the car; he was sick and I rushed in just to give him a book. I was a child then. I was almost 20, but a child nonetheless. So I'm not judging; it's just that this reminded me of a situation I was once in, on the other side.
So anyway...my flings get shorter and shorter every time, don't they? This kid lasted on my list about a week.
On other news, on sunday I was at the recording studio with CR while Lighthouse and his band rehearsed. They were missing one member so it was a short rehearsal. I got to play drums again. Lighthouse's big brother, an awesome singer and owner of the studio, showed up with his wife and toddler (I suppose that's what Joseph and his family look like). He saw me playing guitar and asked me with a smile if I played. I silently freaked out -because he's hot, talented and famous- but I just smiled back and said "kind of". Then he kept doing whatever he was doing.
Lighthouse was a bit bitchy. I tried to interact with the guitar player in his band, while the rest went out for a smoke and he and I stayed in the booth jamming to our own rhythm. He was nice but he was minding his own business. And I don't talk much, anyway, I suppose they wouldn't consider me the best company. But they did allow me to sit in the booth and take pictures. I had a great shot when Lighthouse was warming up with his bass and he looked up, noticed me and opened his mouth wide open and stuck out his tongue. It didn't turn out great, though, because of the glass between us.
The nicest of all is the drummer. I met him, go figure, through Joseph. He knows my name and I don't remember his. And then it turns out he's dating a girl I was an instructor for at the university. And I didn't remember her name either...I do now but it's so lame of me, anyway. It's embarrassing when people greet me by my name and I don't greet them back the same way. I met a lof of faces when I was dating Joseph but I never quite got their names.
And, um, well, with the lack of things going on in my life, at least I'm looking forward to hopping on a bus to Costa Rica in two weeks TO SEE AEROSMITH, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!!!! I'll be traveling alone after all, but my only concern about that is how expensive individual lodging will be. But isn't that why I learned to save when I was pre-adolescent? To see Aerosmith one day? I already saw them but Brother #1 bought the ticket. This is on me. This experience, as it turns out, will be more about me than about Aerosmith. It's my hard-earned money, for a trip that comes once in a lifetime. So screw it! I can't wait! I owe Aerosmith so much in my life, man.
I already told my boss, he gave me the three days off but I'll have to work three afternoons to get my regular salary. Meh, it's a sacrifice. I think I'll work two afternoons next week and one afternoon after I return. I'm getting so fucking excited.
Say, an old friend of mine just told me she's pregnant. Why is Joseph the first thing to come to mind? I mean, why does my mind insist on showing me hypothetical images of him telling the world his beloved wife is expecting? Bleh.
Anyway. I have mixed feelings. First, joy, of course; I nearly cried. And also I'm honored because she wanted to tell me before she made it public. Second, fear: "What? Wait, what?". Because clearly it wasn't planned and her baby daddy is a guy she's had an unstable relationship with for years. But she seems happy and excited so who am I to judge? I do wish her, her guy and their baby the very best.
Valerie wrote a great entry that relates to this. At times it seems to me like starting a family is *the* indicator to prove that you have your shit together, for life. I know it isn't but we grow up thinking it is, at least I do. Maybe that's why it hurts me that Joseph has started his family. Maybe that's why it scares me to see my peers getting married, having children, or both, while I'm...not.
But I have plans. I have many things I want to achieve before settling down and there's no hurry for that. But I feel I start getting nervous...
Look, I was just tweeting how somebody today asked me if I was over 18 (I'm 25, but thanks!) and Sam sends me a DM, your baby face can fool anybody. Fuck. I'm such a sucker for these things. I totally forgot what I was talking about.
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