Wednesday, 06.09.10 - 2:32 pm.
Last night, my boyfriend (!) and I went to the movies. We met at the mall, outside the movie theater. My Nephew #2 was around exchanging World Cup cards (LOL) with my sister's boyfriend so I hung out with him while my boyfriend showed up. When he did, we found out the next screening was at 9 pm and not at 8:20, as the newspaper said. We bought the tickets...or rather, he did. "It's on me". Aaawww.
To kill time, we walked around looking for a place for him to have a beer. He didn't like any of the places so we got out of the mall and walked to a gas station nearby. He got his beer and we went to a small yard behind the gas station, where we stayed until it started to drizzle. We got back to the mall and sat down at a bus stop, talking stuff while it rained. He said I had to see the best animated short of all times, and gave me the name. I have to look for it.
When we got back to the movie theater, we ran into Grapehead, an old friend of Joseph's. He was Joseph's sidekick when I met him in 2004, then they just drifted apart. Then, I bought soda and pop corn. My boyfriend said he didn't want anything but he had bought my ticket so I handed him the pop corn. I was glad I did, he ate it quickly. We saw Prince of Persia, which was meh. At the end of the movie, he walked me to my car and we said goodbye.
My "boyfriend" are CR and Lighthouse. It was Lighthouse who bought the tickets for CR and me. It was a good night. It seemed like we were only going to the movies, but with these guys you never know, so I ended up behind a gas station under the soft rain, watching my boys drinking beer. It's probably not a big deal but you know me, I haven't lived much, so I thought that was pretty cool.
Also, I'm done with my crush on Lighthouse, at least for now. Certainly I like the way he looks. In fact, there was a carton figure of Robert Pattinson at the movie theatre and I saw two movie trailers of his and I was like, yay, I'm sitting next to him. They're probably not that much alike but Lighthouse does remind me of him, so there. Lighthouse makes me laugh but he's too critical of some things and can come off as whiny. But there's nothing wrong with him, I'm just not strongly attracted to him romantically. I like the way he dresses, the fact that he's a visual artist and musician...but that's about it, I guess.
Yesterday I got an e-mail from Sam, he was inviting some people, including me, to his high school graduation on saturday. I wrote back saying I couldn't make it and he replied, "what a shame, I told everyone that my girlfriend was coming". And on a later reply he called me "babe". That gives me a funny feeling, but, you know, nothing else is happening with him.
I've seen a couple of tweets of him about having a crush and cougar love (LOOOL, me, a cougar!), and a few minutes ago we were on Twitter talking about getting married (with me on the other end [of the aisle]...waiting for you). But does he ask me out? No. So I just take it lightly, I have fun but I won't take it seriously. It's so typical of my love life to get all worked up about someone and then getting kicked to the curb when things are supposedly going well and to the next level.
So this post was just to talk about how I'm trying to deflate any romantic expectations. I am a little boomed about it. For me, getting a guy is like getting a scholarship. Everybody tells me I'm awesome and that I deserve something/someone great, but the ones I wish for and I'm after don't seem to think the same as the rest of the world. But I won't get down about it.
One last thing: today I was reading an article about the 10 signs that showed that I had settle for a guy (I know, I know, forgive me for I'm a sucker for articles about dating and relationships!) and I felt really, really bad. Because I showed some of those signs with Joseph.
And it sucks, because I was truly in love with him and I was with him because I thought he was awesome, not because I thought he was "good enough". Of course I can totally understand that he'd break up with me, if he was seeing those things. Doesn't mean that I think I deserve getting devastated like I did (CR, in his twisted magical way of thinking, says I probably "owed" something to someone/the universe/whatever, but then again, he's fallen for the Just World hypothesis). I just mean, yes, I wasn't showing that I loved him, everything was just a boring routine and moodiness.
But hey: I was stressed because we were having sex without protection, per his insistence, and I thought I was pregnant. Also, it takes two, and as much of a routine I was leading, so was he. What I'm trying to say is that I do take my share of responsibility, I understand I had my flaws and clearly I screwed up on some things. But it's not ALL my fault.
Still, I feel bad for my share. Joseph's share never seemed bad enough for me to break up with him (oh, yeah, and I wasn't shacking up with another guy at the same time I was dating him).
By now there's nothing I can do about it, though, so I'll just go and read about psychosomatic medicine.
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